Dallas season premiere recap: Secrets and Lies

John Ross does business in the bedroom like his daddy, while Elena goes undercover in the boardroom
Ep. 01 | Aired Feb 24, 2014

Skip Bolen/TNT

Isn't it hilarious that Pamela Barnes is now the character we like the most? It's just a matter of time until she makes John Ross pay. Here we go...

We opened with Bobby at the family graves, reminding us that he's the only Ewing left and Southfork's caretaker now. "Well, I'll try not to disappoint you," he said, before riding away. You got the feeling it was the show's cast and crew saying that to the late great Larry Hagman, whose name is still on their call sheets.

At the Omni Hotel, John Ross made his season 3 entrance in socks and boxer briefs only. Well done, wardrobe department! Still spent from his night of cheating, he got his second wind when Emma mounted him while wearing his cowboy hat, which she said he'd need if he was going for his morning ride. "Giddy up, sweetheart," he said, flipping her over. They rolled off the bed, and wouldn't you know it, the page that stuck to her black panties was exactly the document they were looking for in her father's accordion files: Her grandmother's power of attorney, which gives control of Ryland Transport to Harris, and since he's in jail, to Emma. Of course, John Ross wanted her to use her newfound power to lease him her drilling ships and icebreaking cargo ships. Deal, she said, but she's keeping the accordion file (which J.R. had instructed John Ross to get).

Bum warned John Ross not to get too cocky when it comes to Emma, but John Ross said he'd do nothing to jeopardize the love of a good woman waiting for him at Southfork. (Does he really believe what Pamela doesn't know doesn't disrespect her?) Bum gave him J.R.'s belt buckle and I teared up, as did Josh Henderson. Later, John Ross met Pamela at the old hay barn in the middle of Southfork, and underneath the stars, he told her he'd gone to Houston the previous night to pick her up the biggest diamond in Texas since Sue Ellen wants to throw them a real wedding. It is the biggest, most hideous diamond ever but she loved it. He knelt and proposed, promising not smooth sailing but the ride of her life. Cue the theme song, which got me dancing in my chair as always.

With John Ross and Pamela now living at Southfork, John Ross thinks it's time to remodel -- you know, with a three-story atrium, a giant billiard room, and an indoor pool. Bobby is against it, of course, but those are the least of his concerns when it comes to what John Ross wants to do to their home.

NEXT PAGE: Christopher has wood

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