While I thought about how good Bobby and Christopher looked in tuxes without ties, Carlos assured them he'd get to the bottom of Nicolas' past, if he could. He also drank some of J.R.'s signature bourbon. Emma arrived to meet John Ross without the flash drive because she wanted to know that she wasn't in this alone first. Even if he'll help her get her dad behind bars, which is not what he's intending to do with that flash drive, you can tell Emma wants more from John Ross if she gets upset watching him fawn over his wife. Still, John Ross sweet-talked his way into her going to fetch the flash drive.
The guests had started to arrive for the wedding, including Nicolas who was there with Elena. He out-smartassed Christopher when he told him they really do have the same taste in women after Christopher mentioned he'd met Nicolas' lovely wife. The relatives reminded Christopher they'd been at Southfork for his wedding, then he reminded Elena that she doesn't like to play around with married men. John Ross had gone to see Harris at... a brothel? Harris took him into a surveillance room, where they watched the railroad commissioner get busy with a woman wearing a dog costume. John Ross went in and cut his deal. Harris had kept up his end of the bargain. Now John Ross just needed Emma to deliver the flash drive, which she finally did to Bum, who still had to get it to John Ross. And the wedding was 20 minutes from starting. Afton gave Sue Ellen grief for not raising her son better after all the despicable things J.R. had done to her. "Just so you know, Afton, the most despicable thing J.R. ever did was you," Sue Ellen snapped. Point for Sue Ellen! And drink!
Harris wanted to give John Ross a wedding present while they waited for Bum -- their names were Sapphire and Chastity. Chastity hit her knees and had his pants unzipped, despite John Ross' protests. Luckily Bum showed up in time to save him. He'd made a copy of the flash drive and said it was encrypted. Harris secretly confirmed it had his CIA files on it, and then gave the disk to John Ross. Oh, and he told John Ross to stop sleeping with Emma.
At Southfork, Nicolas talked his way out of Elena thinking he was a bastard -- the divorce papers just aren't signed because the lawyers haven't reached a settlement, it's always been her -- and Sue Ellen threatened to tell Pamela about John Ross' affair herself if he doesn't stop bedding Emma. He thinks it's just business and it doesn't change the way he feels about Pamela at all. It won't hurt her as long as she doesn't find out about it. Man, he knows exactly where to verbally hit a lady: "You have looked the other way your whole life, mama. One more time's not gonna hurt." He said that even after he'd smelled the alcohol on her breath. I want to like John Ross. Lines like that make it hard.
At least Afton got to slap the back of John Ross' head when she left him alone to apologize to Pamela. He told her everything he'd done that day was for her, so he could give her all that she deserves. She said her father had used the same excuse every time he hadn't shown up for her. Really, it was always about Cliff and his greed and need for power. YEP. RUN, PAMELA. But John Ross really does love her, in his own way, and he was convincing when he said he'd always show up for her. (Just late. Good thing he didn't go for that joke, or he would've been slapped again.)
NEXT PAGE: The wedding and sex montage