I get a little sad when I don't see the 'S' for sex in the rating for an episode of Dallas, but when you have Judith Light running a man's hands over her body to check for a wire and play-snorting cocaine (twice!), who needs it?! Let's dig in.
Suspicious of John Ross and Emma's relationship, Sue Ellen met Bum to ask him to spy on John Ross. In other news, Sue Ellen needs to invest in a burner phone. Bum asked why she'd risk ruining her relationship with John Ross if he were to find out about her putting a tail on him. She said she doesn't want him to have to wait a lifetime to figure out what J.R. had: that the path of cheating on your wife for a business deal only leads to heartbreak and misery. Would J.R. really have told him that? I think Bum knows better. Regardless, cue Sue Ellen taking a drink from her designer flask.
Over at Harris' house, he was pissed to find his accordion file missing from his safe. "Daddy's home," he told Emma. She tried to play dumb, and he threatened to put her in a secure therapeutic setting where she couldn't hurt herself (because yes, he could say she's back on the drugs and a danger to herself). That is some cold s--t, Harris. When Emma told John Ross about the threat, he was of course mostly worried about his precious ships, though he promised he'd send Harris back to jail so he couldn't harm her. He phoned Bum asking for a meet. Bum said he'd be there soon -- since he was perched on a nearby building taking photos of Emma straddling John Ross, who'd end up telling Bum that he was out of breath because the elevator from his penthouse was broken and he had to take the stairs. Ha.
At Southfork, Bobby was awake comparing the seismic map John Ross had given him to one from 1980, which showed the shale top was clearly below the surface. Once Bobby decided he'd commission a new map, Ann told him to come to bed: "When I watch Duck Dynasty without you, I get all the beards confused." Before they got upstairs, Officer Derrick was at the door to tell them Harris was out of jail because the judge dropped the case. (Something else that could have been a simple phone call.) Proving the Ewings do still know how to work a cellphone, Bobby called his buddy at the U.S. Attorney's office. He'd taken stupid pills, according to Bobby, and wasn't pursuing the case because doors were slamming in his face. Bobby told Ann they'd call in a favor from their U.S. Senator friend Joe McAllister.
John Ross, meanwhile, was flirting and asking his new secretary at Ewing Global for a favor: He wanted to find out why Christopher was meeting with seismic guy Howard, who doesn't know how to high-five. Christopher told John Ross that they weren't fracking Southfork until they confirmed he was within his surface rights to drill. Nicolas made his appearance to detect the tension, and Christopher reminded him that the Ewings always band together when it comes to outsiders. To make nice, Christopher invited him to a Southfork barbecue that Saturday.
Elena couldn't find anything on the Ewing Global server that implicated the family in framing Cliff for J.R.'s murder. She said she needed to get to Bobby's home computer. That's when Nicolas told her about his invite, and she reminded him that her mother doesn't know about their plan to bring the Ewings down. Doesn't she deserve to know that they're essentially responsible for her husband's death? (Why can't they see J.R. was the one responsible? Why do they assume Bobby and the rest of the family knew about him switching the deeds? I imagine if they proved it to Bobby, he'd give them a lump sum because he's decent like that. It won't bring Elena's father back, but neither will this revenge scheme.)
NEXT PAGE: John Ross likes his women scary