'The Celebrity Apprentice' season finale recap: Bret is Back! But is He a Winner?

In the end the vote didn't even matter, because Snapple had agreed to match Trump's winner prize and give $250,000 to the loser as well. Meaning Bret and Holly were now playing for...what exactly? The highly coveted title of ''Celebrity Apprentice,'' I suppose. Is there a dollar bill trophy or something that goes with that at least? That's not to say I wasn't eagerly anticipating the moment when Trump would obviously pick Bret as the winner, even though there were no longer any stakes whatsoever. That's because all the nonsensical wonderfulness ofCelebrity Apprentice is perfectly illustrated in that incredible moment at the end of the season when Trump points over at someone and barks, ''You're hired!'' And we all stare at the television screen and say, ''Hired for what?'' It's not like Bret Michaels is going to cancel his tour, swear off groupies, and show up tomorrow at 9 a.m. to be assigned a cubicle so he can crunch numbers on increasing profit margin at the Trump National Golf Course in Bedminster, New Jersey. It's touches like this that make Celebrity Apprentice one of the most inadvertently entertaining shows in the history of the medium.

Give me a show that forces former contestants like Carol Leifer, Sinbad, and Selita Ebanks to sit awkwardly on a stage for two hours yet does not permit them to speak. Give me a show that doesn't acknowledge that two of the season's contestants (Sharon Osbourne and Bill Goldberg) weren't even there. Give me a show that spends the time and money to drape giant Bret Michaels and Holly Robinson Peete banners down the Washington Square Park Arch. (Imagine if you are like 99 percent of the country and have no interest in watching Celebrity Apprentice, and you're walking in downtown New York only to see huge posters of the singer of Poison and chick from 21 Jump Street. You'd think you had pulled a Marty McFly and gone back in time 20 years. Damn DeLorean!) But this is the joy and wonder ofCelebrity Apprentice. And it is a joy and wonder that I will cherish all the way through to 2011, when we are graced with a new group of goofballs (bring on Jim McMahon and whichever dude from Milli Vanilli is still alive!) to cheer and jeer through another round of inane product placement camouflaged as ''tasks.''

Until then, we can cheer on a triumphant Bret Michaels. And thanks to all of you for sticking around all season to read these ramblings of a reality-TV lunatic. It's been a blast. But before you go, make sure to let us know what you think! Are you happy Bret won? Was it a vote based on sympathy, substance, or both? And, most important of all, should I be concerned that I am already experiencing hardcore Ivanka withdrawal symptoms? Hit the message boards and let us know. And for more reality news and views all year long, follow me on Twitter @EWDaltonRoss. See ya next time! And until then: cluck, cluck...SPLASH!

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