Aubrey was none too impressed with Fabulina. “Basically, Teresa was inspired by everything tacky on the table,” said the tasteful and demure one, also dubbing the puppet “a hot mess Jersey lady.” But Aubrey wasn’t done. She then went on to….
We interrupt this “Celebrity Apprentice” recap to bring you the following bulletin. A red alert has been issued for the area of northern New Jersey, where a source has informed us that 80s pop star Debbie Gibson has been accused of dropping what is being described as a “4 alarm dump” in the Medieval Times locker room. The stench from the locker room was described by one eyewitness as being “worse than anything on the entire ‘Electric Youth’ album.” Gibson was unavailable for comment, and rather than offer any sort of rebuttal, representatives for the former pop icon merely insisted on singing the lyrics to Gibson’s recent Crystal Light jingle, hoping the tune will eventually catch on and earn the singer a recording contract with the powered beverage giant. The area has been quarantined, and we will continue to monitor this situation. Once again, Debbie Gibson has been accused of dropping a “4 alarm dump” in the Medieval Times locker room. We’ll update you as more news comes in, and for now, we return you to your regularly scheduled “Celebrity Apprentice” recap, already in progress.
…and thus concludes my argument on why Eric and Ivanka Trump would have been the perfect casting choice to play Jaime Lannister and Queen Cersei on Game of Thrones. Anyhoo, back to Teresa. As if watching her dress the puppet wasn’t precious enough, then we got to watch her attempt to work the puppet. See Teresa learn there are two syllables in the word “seven.” See Teresa get confused and say “Hi, Tanya” to someone else when her puppet happens to be the one playing the role of Tanya. See Teresa be instructed to say an adjective and respond with “monsters,” the most wonderful non-adjective in the history of adjectives. Well, at least in the words of Aubrey (clearly channeling her inner Lou Ferrigno), Teresa “does give 110 percent.”
5. Return of the Boardroom Dominatrix
Hot damn, Ivanka looked crazy hot in the Boardroom this week in her red dress and flowing locks. Her beauty even enraged the normally mellow and normally homosexual Clay Aiken. I really have nothing to add to that but thought it would be nice to go on out that image of Ivanka to carry me through the week until we meet once again in the Boardroom under the watchful and somewhat befuddled gaze of Donald Trump.
In the meantime, it’s your turn to sound off. Sad to see Paul go? Are you as impressed with Aubrey as she is with herself? And Team Lisa, Team Dayana or Team Neither? Hit the message boards and let us know, and for more Celebrity Apprentice news and views, follow me on Twitter @DaltonRoss. Until next week: Cluck, Cluck…Splash!