A lot of incredible things happened during this episode of The Celebrity Apprentice, from the eruption of Mt. Lampanelli, to the rare loss of composure by Clay Aiken (see photo on right), to one of the most bizarre looking mascots I have ever seen in my entire life. But if you ask me, the most incredible thing of all was the fact that it took 12 tasks for Aubrey O’Day to find an excuse to dress up in a sexy cheerleading outfit. In retrospect, it’s amazing the Playboy nudie didn’t find a way to slut it up selling sandwiches all the way back in episode 1. (“Give me an H! Give me an A! Give me an M! What’s that spell? Who cares! Just look at me while I bounce my boobies up and down! Yay! Go team! Yay!”). Or even last week when pimping for Trump’s cologne. (“Give me an S! Give me a U! Give me a C! Give me another C! Give me an E! Give me an S! Give me another S! What’s the spell? AUBREY! Yay, Aubrey! I’m awesome! Yayyyyy!”)
I want to be absolutely clear on something right now. I am not complaining about Aubrey wearing a sexy cheerleading outfit that appeared straight out of a Party City Halloween catalog. (Some might say Aubrey already looks a bit like a scary Halloween character, so this was just taking it to the next level.) I just question whether this entire task — which she controlled every aspect of from beginning to end even though Arsenio Hall was the Project Manager — was all about getting her into that outfit. I’m going to go out on a limb and say it was. In fact. I don’t even think that’s going on a limb.
Did you notice who else was pleased as punch to hear about the cheerleading costume? Donald Trump! Did you see the man perk up in the Boardroom the second the words “sexy cheerleading outfit” left Aubrey’s lips! He was like “Now we’re getting somewhere!” Remember, this is the same man who began the episode by telling Aubrey “We think of you as Playboy cover. It’s actually singing, isn’t it?” (Note to self: Google “Aubrey O’Day Playboy cover.”)
The cheerleading costume was incredibly apt, because no one cheers for Aubrey O’Day like Aubrey O’Day. “I can write something with literally no effort,” she bragged about her songwriting prowess. Later, after Arsenio said how great Teresa was in their opening lost-in-the-woods sketch, Aubrey had a much different take, informing us that “It’s difficult when people aren’t as good at things like this than you are.” So difficult. So, so difficult. I’m sure my recapping skills are nowhere even close to Aubrey’s, but I will dare to do my best anyway to bring you a few other fantastic elements from this past episode. Give me an R! Give me an E! Give me a C! Give me…oh, screw it. Let’s just move on.
NEXT: Aubrey makes her charity proud