The Carrie Diaries recap: Sex, Lies, and a Bootleg Videotape

Carrie steps it up to stave off Donna LaDonna's Sebastian seduction, but it's Carrie's purse that got the most play
Ep. 02 | Aired Jan 21, 2013

BLONDE ATTRITION Donna LaDonna be damned, the tantalizing teen courtship Carrie-d on with late-night phone calls, lusty body language, and, of course, lots of leaning.

Craig Blankenhorn/The CW

Those "Goody Two Shoes" promos are quickly feeling moot, huh? Just two episodes in, and Carrie's sort of becoming a sociopath -- second only to li'l sis Dorrit, of course. Though fashionista Larissa was in a scant two scenes, it seems she's really rubbing off on the impressionable Miss Bradshaw. How long can Carrie sustain her lies of omission and workday trips to the boroughs without a serious meltdown? Or do we even care that the show's growing more unrealistic by the second when we're getting our fill of fabulous hair, shirtless Sebastian, and Donna LaDonna shutdowns? I'm sure Tim will weigh in when he returns as your regular recapper next week, but for now I say keep 'em coming!

So, Sebastian was still totes into Carrie, despite a virtual house arrest sentence from her dad and the best attempts at Carrie-blocking by Ms. LaDonna. Believe you me, DLaD was giving the teen dream the full-court press, which included getting him stoned at the country club and sticking her head in his lap. "You make everything sound like a come-on," he told her. "That because it is," she purred. And that was even before she announced, "You know, I lost my virginity on this very bench." Now, perhaps I'm looking at this in the wrong way, but were I a guy, that would translate to, "Someone else's testes have grazed the public space where you are sitting at this very moment." That's... sexy?

Either way, Mouse just happened to be at the club. She also happened to be cleaving to a universal distrust in men since her devirginator went MIA, so she borrowed the maitre d's phone to call Carrie. It only took about three exchanges for Mouse to realize what panic she'd incited and start backpedaling. She advised Carrie to ask Sebastian about it the next school day, and he sort of fell into this fumbling trap, telling her vaguely that his night was "uneventful." While not technically a lie, it looked bad when DLaD strutted up and presented Sebastian's coat back to him like a trophy, adding in husky voice (while smugly staring at Carrie), "Thanks for warming me up." Innuendo zing! To his credit, Sebastian apologized, and we saw that via flashback that he had rebuffed DLaD. He claimed he lied to Carrie for fear she'd judge him for smoking pot. She insisted they were fine, which was an actual lie. Thus, Carrie established a pattern of dishonesty and under-the-surface tension that would set her up nicely for womanhood and any future relationships.

But she wasn't the only one nurturing delusions. Walt was doing his very best to avoid anything beyond kissing with Maggie, even resorting to the lowest of low excuses: self-respect. How dare he?! Maggie's worked through her sexual frustration with thinly veiled digs and catty slams against Donna, such as, "We cannot let that fake-and-bake, big-boobed bitch win." In the interest of dialogue alone, Walt, keep holding out!

NEXT: Carrie goes Down Under (the Manhattan Bridge Overpass)

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