(Meanwhile, Jesse J. took Shae on a great date to the bowling alley. Bad Sign #1: She can't bowl, but he's really good. Bad Sign #2: His buddy showed up. Bad Sign #3: His buddy is also named Jesse. Bad Sign #4: Jesse J. gave Shae her very own bowling ball, and the bowling ball was inscribed with this message: "Dear Shay: You're in my top three of girls I like to sleep with right now. Hugz, JJ.")
Tyler met a lovely young girl named Brittney. "Britney?" he asked. "No, Brittney." "Brittany?" he asked. "No, Brittney. What's your name?" "I dunno," said Tyler. They were perfect for each other. Unfortunately, she had a boyfriend. Fortunately, nobody seems remotely interested in the basic bonds of boyfriend-girlfriend trust in the world of Buckwild. She got in a car with Tyler to go back to Cara's place. Her boyfriend stepped in front of the car and refused to move. A random blond girl walked up and, apropos of nothing, said, "Excuse me! You're a douchebag! Douchebag! They're trying to move!!!"
Back at Cara's place, Katie wound up making out with Patrick, who had been making out with Anna, who knew him from summer camp or something. Meanwhile, Cara refused to let Tyler make out on her bed with a different girl, which seems a little unfair, considering that she made out with Tyler on another girl's bed, and also considering that trying to cage Tyler in a relationship is like trying to cage an ostrich in a fishbowl. Cara won a lot of credibility from me when she described Tyler as a "Home-Wrecking Ball." However, I should point out that absolutely no one seems to like Cara.
Also, there were a lot of random scenes of the kids playing in the mud. Like, randomly placed in the episode was a scene where Cara fought Anna in the mud. Did this happen before the Karma situation? Or afterwards? Could it be that, in the end, we will all find ourselves fighting in the mud? Does the "J" in "Jesse J." also stand for Jesse? (Answer: No. Apparently his name is Jesse Johnson. Ladies: Facebook him! He might not be single, but he's always ready to mingle!)
Fellow viewers, how did you find this week on Buckwild? Did the second episode officially win you over? Are you concerned that Salwa might not show her breasts like a hundred times next week? Also, seriously, ballpark-estimate, how old do you think everyone is?
Follow Darren on Twitter: @DarrenFranich