Buckwild series premiere recap: Redneck MacGyver's Dump Truck Pool Party

MTV debuts a new reality series devoted to simple pleasures: Muddin', fightin', explodin', lovin'
Ep. 01 | Aired Jan 3, 2013

BAND OF OUTSIDERS Does anyone else find it interesting that the cast of Buckwild is so radically overstocked with women vs. menfolk? Is the intention to provide the maximum amount of possible romantic triangles? Or is this a further indication that -- what with Twilight and the shifting higher-education gender ratio and the existence of Jennifer Lawrence -- women are basically in control of the world now? Or is West Virginia just overpopulated with women?

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The Tale of Willy Wonka
The girls were living in a house with some pesky neighbors who really didn't like it when they talked loudly. So, in an effort to make nice, they decided to throw a party called, ahem, the "F' The Neighborhood Party." This led to the arrival of their neighbor, the only black person on Buckwild, who had red hair and immediately became my second favorite character on the show. She was dropping catchphrases right and left: "Please and thank you. PLEASE AND THANK YOU." "Bring your party down!" Anna had a frank exchange of ideas with the neighbor, which went like this:

Neighbor: "You're drunk!"
Anna: "You're insane!"
Neighbor: "Yes!"

Anna tried to tackle her, but in her own words: "She didn't actually touch me. I, in fact, beat myself up." The end result is that the girls got evicted from their hours after living there for apparently two seconds. The girls stared at their eviction notice with awe and sadness. Behind them, Shain was smashing stuff, Joey was throwing stuff down the hill, and they were hitting each other in the crotch. From now on, whatever I write, just assume that you can fill in "Meanwhile, Shain was smashing stuff, Joey was throwing stuff down the hill, and they were hitting each other in the crotch."

The Tale of the Dump Truck Pool Party
"We ain't got much!" said Shain. "But we have fun with what we got!" That might as well be the mission statement for Buckwild. To get heavy for a hot second here, if Jersey Shore suggested a society on the brink of collapse -- a whole decadent crew partying as the world ended -- Buckwild suggests that the post-apocalypse may actually be a rather pleasant time, an age of renewal, an age when the tools of the old world (like Excavators) will become the playful toys of the new world (like Sissonville Rollercoasters.)

Basically, Jersey Shore was about the decadent Romans partying with the barbarians at the gate; Buckwild is about the barbarians dancing through the streets of ruined Rome, and having a pretty good time, and anyhow who liked the Romans, really?

This is all a wind-up to describing how Shain turned a dump truck into a functioning pool and pulled it up to the girl's new home. Being serious here, I feel like the Dump Truck Pool Party required more planning than any party I have ever been involved in, and it looked so much fun that I have to hope that fraternity houses across this great country are already planning their own Dump Truck Pool Party. I should note here that Entertainment Weekly in no way endorses Dump Truck Pool Parties. Nor do we endorse Dump Trucks or Pool Parties.

The Dump Truck Pool Party reaches an inevitable endpoint when Salwa accidentally flashed the boys with what amounted to a bit of sideboob. They promised to pay her $100 if they got a full view of the girls. She did so, and Tyler protested: "I'm broke! I got no money!"

NEXT: The Greatest Moment in Television in 2013 So Far

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