Ashley: I had to look up her name on MTV's website because I couldn't remember her. This marks the first and last time I will ever do research into anything regarding Buckwild. I think she's the narrator, or maybe God is the narrator and we're all just his ventriloquist puppets. She did nothing.
Salwa: Is Bengali, explained that she was "Bengali" lest we be confused about how come there's a girl who isn't white on this show. Went topless almost immediately. Probably will wind up co-hosting Today someday, where she will slowly poison an ancient Matt Lauer with arsenic coffee. Seems like a lovely girl.
Katie: That gossip-y girl who told everybody in class about how the popular girl with the pool in her backyard invited the popular boy with the bleached hair over, for a whole afternoon, when her parents were out of town, and they totally made out in the hot tub. At one point explained, "There was definitely monkey sex goin' on." Made the fewest poor life decisions of anyone in Buckwild, indicating perhaps that she is the Good Girl, or that she is storing up all the bad ideas for the season finale.
The girls all live together, and we saw Anna and Ashley go to West Virginia University to pick up Cara. Anna said, "Cara's one of our newer friends," which is reality TV-speak for "We hate her, hate her, hate her." Cara said, "This is the first time I've ever lived with girls," which is reality TV-speak for "I am the nightmare roommate who will take everything you love and destroy it, and also borrow your socks on the regular." The girls were heading back to meet up with their favorite young lads. "What do you think they're up to?" asked Cara. "Probably wrestlin' cows." They all laughed. Ho ho! Wrestling cows! As if!
Indeed, why spend a lovely afternoon wrestling cows...when you can eat 15 hot wings, crawl inside of a gigantic tire, and ride the tire down the hillside?
The Tale of Shain's Mudded Mudder
Shain piled his friends into his truck. Anna, Tyler, and Katie had to sit in the truckbed, leading Shain to play one of his favorite games: Muddin'! This involves driving a truck through gigantic puddles of mud, ideally while listening to Puddle of Mudd and pondering the fact that the kids on Buckwild probably don't know who Puddle of Mudd is, which probably explains why they have such an optimistic view of humanity. Shain seemed to be trying to toss one of his friends off the truckbed.
Alas, it turns out that if you drive your truck through gigantic mud puddles, sometimes you truck will get caught in a gigantic mud puddle. So Shain stood up and like yelled into the trees, and a redheaded shirtless farmboy emerged from out of the wild with a tractor and pushed the truck to safety. All in all, it was the best Monday we ever had.
NEXT: Willy Wonka would like you to quiet down, please