Big Brother season premiere recap: Crazy Eights, Double Ds, and El Quatro

An alliance forms, and then two alliances form inside of that alliance. And this with only half the houseguests!
Ep. 01 | Aired Jun 25, 2014


Cliff Lipson/CBS

DeVin Diesel made a solid argument for himself as a savvy player. Immediately after the Crazy Eights declared their eternal fealty to one another, he pulled Donny aside and told him: "Listen, bro. I trust you 100 percent. And I trust your beard 150 percent." The theory: He wanted to make a side alliance with somebody that no one would expect. "I think there's a lot of wisdom hiding behind that beard," Devin concluded. This is a good move with severe possible risk. Good, because Donny seems like someone who might be readily ignored by the young-hot contingent, which means Devin could have a solid vote on his side. Severe possible risk, because Donny is an older and slightly awkward fellow. Worst case, Donny becomes the monkey on Devin's back; best case, Donny becomes the little man who always hangs out with Devin, and they wear matching muumuus. Also, they're calling themselves the Double Ds.

Upstairs, Frankie and Cody were playing chess. The men were befriending each other. Paola didn't like it. She's seen groups of dudes partner up on Night One in Big Brother before; she didn't want another Brigade. So she called a suffragette meeting. The women were all in agreement: It was time for a lady to win. "The guys come in thinking they are gonna win," Amber complained. "The guys know that our culture pits us against one another," agreed Joey, "because the gender pay gap forces women to compete harder for few positions, while the male-dominated media curses generations of young women with unfair body issues!"

Paola nodded and nodded and nodded. "We have to, like, seriously, give America hope that girls can work together." Somewhere Sheryl Sandberg shed a single tear. Somewhere Idina Menzel started singing one of those Idina Menzel songs. Somewhere the movie The Hours actually made sense to somebody. Somewhere Ellen Ripley punched an alien in the face and screamed "THIS IS A METAPHOR FOR FEMALE EMPOWERMENT, BITCH!"

It was a big moment, people! They immediately named themselves El Quatro. @BavarianErin on Twitter pointed out to me that "El Quatro" is a masculine name–something I didn't realize, since I only speak Finnish and High Valyrian. Maybe they can change their alliance name? Big Sister? International Council of Women? Michelle Quadriguez?  Tweet a better suggestion to me @DarrenFranich.

Right about then is when Julie Chen apparated back to our world from Dimension Z and announced that those twists she mentioned earlier had given birth to several new twists. "Just because you're HoH doesn't mean you're safe," she said, all-but-implying that this season's Big Twist could be that there are sniper rifles pointed at everyone's head all of the time.

They went to the backyard. There was a beach set up back there, complete with sandcastles. The game was simple: While a log rotated under their feet, players had to hold onto a kite string. If they let go, the kite would crash onto their sand castle—for are not all kingdoms built out of sand?

NEXT: The Twist that Twisted

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