The Head of Household contest was an embarrassing non-contest. It was a simple true-false question—what was it that Donny's girlfriend missed so badly? No, it wasn't his massages—it was kisses. Only Derrick knew the answer; so Derrick won.
There are so many great costume options for your Big Brother season finale party. Frankie's mohawk, Zach's pink hat, Caleb's tank tops, Nicole's hipster glasses, everyone's hipster glasses. But personally, the outfit I'd like to rock is Derrick's stealth-overlord monochrome action suit. You know what I'm talking about: the black-and-white American Flag hoodie; the black jeans; the ever-so-slight facial hair framing his face.
You know how, in comic books, even when superheroes aren't wearing their superhero outfits, their clothes usually have their logo on it somewhere? Like, Mr. Fantastic will go to a wedding wearing a bespoke suit with an oversize pocket square that says "4," or Cyclops will play basketball in a jersey marked with a giant "X," or Peter Parker will just hang around the house wearing a T-shirt with a spider on it? I would imagine that, when the President of the United States is just hanging around his living room, he probably wears a black-and-white American Flag hoodie.
SCENES FROM A DOUBLE EVICTION:
Derrick paces inside the Room of Plotting.
Christine: "I love you."
Derrick: "I love you, too."
Christine: "Please don't put me up."
Derrick: "I'm putting up Christine."
Did Christine know what was happening? Hard to say. Derrick made some noise about "going with the house" before nominating Victoria and Christine. To me, she looked furious—but then again, she's looked furious every time the Bombonators put her on the block, and she kept on coming back.
She did okay in the veto competition. It looked like she came in second—but it wasn't very close. I realize that there are a lot of people who hate, hate, hate Frankie, but you have to give him credit: The man wins competitions when he has to. Frankie has the inner fire of the true fame obsessive. He will do whatever he has to do.
Part of what makes Frankie such a fascinating Big Brother player—and part of what makes him an ideal friend-nemesis for Derrick—is that he came here to win. He did not come here to play an "honorable" game—"honor" being one of those pitfalls bedevils very-good-but-not-good-enough players. He did not come here to be a good person—and Cody, for all his bluster, seems like a fundamentally good dude, to such an extent that he looks physically ill whenever he has to vote out someone he likes. Frankie came here to win. This is why he is still a threat. This is why his beautiful-butterfly act has started to corrode into something less friendly, more scary. And this is why Derrick will almost certainly come to regret keeping Frankie around.
Or maybe not. When it was Frankie's turn in the room of plotting, he looked positively ecstatic while he talked to Derrick. He appeared to be running speech ideas past him: "Should I say it?" Derrick hugged him: "We did it. We did it. We got through it." Derrick praised him: "I think you'll win HoH." Frankie was so happy: "I love how we're already talking about next week."
Frankie kept the nominations the same. Christine offered a piddling final speech. (She once again described herself as a "super fan.") Everyone voted her out. She didn't speak. She didn't hug. She didn't make eye contact. She walked straight for the door. And there were audible boos as she walked out.
Now, about those boos: WTF? Because of the Cody thing? Geesh, Big Brother audience, go back to 1955 and sleep in a separate bed from your spouse. Like, are we really at a point as a culture where a guy obsessively stalking one of his female housemates after she asked him to stop is treated as a ho-ho funny-funny she's-just-not-that-into-you farce, but a married woman being flirtatious with her male friend is treated as some kind of offensive shameful melodrama and an opportunity for the mob to jump on its high horse and throw shade at the weird girl with the glasses? Is that really where we're at, America?
Now that we're through with that rant, let's get down to brass tacks: Christine really bungled her game. And she knows it. I always enjoy how Julie's interviews get tough in the final month, and she peppered Christine with all kinds of tough questions. Why did she stick with the boys' club? Does she wish she had stuck with Hayden and Nicole—two people who genuinely liked her, and who would've maybe stuck with her until the end? Christine had no real answer.
I don't, either. What do you make of Christine? Here's someone who had a couple of strong alliances handed to her on a silver platter—and, on both occasions, she still had a close friend who was outside of both of those alliances. Like, if Big Brother were Super Mario Bros. 3, Christine in Week 3 had a Fire Flower and a Flying Leaf and she had an Invincibility Star on deck. And now: Nothing.
There's another twist: A Big Brother rewind button. If someone presses it, it will reboot the entire week. It's unclear how the system works—if someone can just touch it anytime, or if there is a more elaborate system in place. There's also the promise of a Jeff and Jordan appearance and some further twist. This all seems like unnecessary gilding just now. The lines are drawn, although they occasionally crisscross. Derrick and Cody; Frankie and Caleb; Frankie and Derrick; Victoria and Prince Froggington of the Cumulus Commonwealth. There's blood in the water. Who will bite next.
"Don't touch that button," said Frankie.
"Wanna toucha button," said Caleb.
"You don't even know what it does," said Frankie.
"Don't wanna know. Wanna toucha," said Caleb.
"Yo, so I don't think I wanna be stepping on any toes," said Derrick, secretly stepping on both of their toes but doing it so lightly that they didn't even notice, "But I'm thinking, for you, for your game, you have to already be thinking about how you have to press that button. You don't know what'll happen if you don't press that button, and if you do press that button, at least you know what'll happen. Again, just me, I don't know much about buttons."
"Of course," said Frankie. "See, we have to press the button."
"Now again, you have to be thinking about your game, same way I'm thinking about my game, same way he's thinking about his game," said Derrick, thinking about everyone's game all at once simultaneously. "The way I see it, I've played this game not so good, I have no chance of winning, so right now, I have to be thinking that you're thinking that you don't want to press that button. Because if you don't press that button, the status quo will stay the same, and that's good for you. I know you're already on this; I'm just telling you what people are saying, what the house is saying."
"Don't wanna toucha button," said Caleb. "Don't like buttons. Never has, never won't."