Big Brother recap: Donny of the Dead

Lines are firmly drawn with an unsurprising eviction, followed by an even less surprising HoH win.
Ep. 23 | Aired Aug 14, 2014

ONE LAST DONNY BEFORE I GO As is the case with every eviction this summer, the farewell messages don't strike emotional chords until Donny gets his chance to tell everyone (this week: Nicole) how much their friendships meant to him, and other assorted rainbows slash butterflies.

CBS

[Do I really have to acknowledge the blatant promo for CBS’s Thursday Night Football? Arguably the worst thing to happen to Thursday nights since Whitney? Caleb, Christine, and Frankie, having won last week’s BoB competition, earn a field trip outside of the house to the Dallas Cowboys training camp. "Oh my God, I love country folk," Frankie pedantically remarks. Caleb is in absolute heaven, though, and it makes me happy to see him so happy. Caleb wants to meet someone named Jerry Jones—who I suppose stole his name from renowned Broadway legend and Emmy winner Cherry Jones—but they also get to meet a number of other interesting players: Jason Witten, who is tall, and Tony Romo, who dated Jessica Simpson for a brief time I think, and Dez Bryant, who I imagine must have grown up with the nickname Dez Pispenser all his life. It’s a thrill-shill for everyone.]

Back at the house, before evictions, Julie asks Victoria what she thought was the most surprising thing about this week. Naïve Victoria thinks the question is about her emotional breakdowns, but her answer was supposed to have been, "Ariana Grande." But considering that nobody in the house really even knows how much of a superstar Ariana Grande became this summer, I can’t help but feel that, legitimately, nobody cares. We also find out Zach and Frankie have made up, and that Derrick thinks Nicole is one of, if not the most intelligent people in the house, and that Victoria thinks Nicole is a "blonde bombshell" (wait till she sees Courtney Thorne-Smith!).

So Nicole’s ousted, and the super sad half of the episode is over. Which means it’s time for PART TWO: THE ZOMBIEING. One can’t help but wonder if the timing of all this Ebola business casts a dark portent over the whole "rapidly spreading zombie virus" thing, but whatever, it's Big Brother.

The mass hysteria begins the night before eviction when #BBZombie appears in the mirror to make Nicole feel like she is truly losing her mind. Then they scare Frankie, and everyone decides to go to the fire room together to be scared en masse like a quartet of tweens at a sleepover who all had to go down to the basement together because Katie thinks that’s where they left her Mall Madness.

And so we meet Big Brother Emergency Broadcast System, who could give Zingbot a run for his/her/its/Ariana Grande’s money when it comes to robotic emotionless comedy. (The highlight here is, of course, the moment when Cody pretends to initiate a showmance with Nicole, which is kind of a perfect pairing if you think about it, but then probably less of a perfect pairing the more you think about it, which is exactly what the writers of Friends must have realized when they decided not to ship Phoebe and Joey.) It all leads into the HoH competition, based on trivia from the emergency broadcast system announcements, and lo and behold, it’s only Detonators left at the end. Sigh. In a season of thrilling drama inside the house, it appears that all the suspense of the competitions has been largely eliminated due to the fact that this alliance just dominates week after week. Derrick and Frankie win, huzzah, great, hooray. I guess. Not that I don’t want Derrick to win, because I do—I think we all do at this point, right?—but a little HoH shakeup wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Don’t you want to see Victoria get her moment in the sun?

No?

Anyone?

Follow me on Twitter: @MarcSnetiker

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