The quote about death and taxes being the only certainties in life should be amended to include Brittany's eviction from the Big Brother house. Surely no one, including Brittany herself, could have been surprised by this outcome. Not only has she had a target on her back—this was her third time on the chopping block—but the heavy campaigning she vowed to do at the end of last night’s episode mostly consisted of back-combing her hair into a high volume bump/mohawk hybrid. The girl has priorities. Before we discuss her ousting any further, let’s breakdown what transpired prior to the eviction ceremony.
Julie Chen reminds viewers that Cody is in shambles over his decision to nominate Donny, a.k.a. Duck Dynasty Beard. This seems hyperbolic until we see Cody roaming around the HOH area and breathing heavily as if he's in a '90s sitcom Lamaze class. He then checks in with his cronies who all assure him that he made the right move because, without a doubt, Brittany will be sent home.
This doesn’t ease the mind of Team America member Derrick. He feels bad about the DDB nomination and soothes his guilt by eating a peanut butter sandwich with Donny. But DDB is no dummy and is suspicious of being used as a pawn because, as Big Brother history has shown, pawns have a way of getting caught in the cross fire.
With her hair in place, Brittany meets up with a shirtless Caleb, which is quite distracting. Caleb then goes to The Detonators, formerly known as The Bomb Squad, to fight for Brittany by saying that DDB will come after them. And Cody looks like he’s going to pass out from all the stress.
Later on, Frankie goes to the diary room, opens a letter from his mother, and finds out that his grandfather has passed away. The house really rallies together and consoles him. Frankie then shares a touching story about his grandfather’s acceptance over him coming out. There's not a dry eye in that house or the houses with TVs tuned to Big Brother across America.
Chen informs the housemates that Have-Nots are the four laziest players in the game: Nicole, Caleb, Christine, and Derrick. After this, there’s a video package about Hayden and Nicole’s showmance. It’s notable for two reasons.
1) Nicole tells Hayden she dreamt that he met her family and the only reason he doesn’t run away after hearing this information is because contestants aren’t allowed to leave the Big Brother house. Memo to women everywhere: First, make sure the guy you like is trapped physically before trapping him with your dreams and emotions.
2) One of Hayden’s little cousins is interviewed and she thinks Hayden is weird because, as she puts it, “He always tries to make sex with Nicole.” And they prove her point by making out.
It’s eviction time. DDB and Brittany both make speeches to their housemates and voting begins. In a 10-0 landslide, Brittany is sent packing. And Donny lives to fight another day.
In the post-eviction interview, Brittany admits she wasn’t surprised that the vote was unanimous and then she and Chen watch the goodbye messages from the housemates. DDB says he’s going to miss their ice cream dates. Brittany tears up about being away from her kids and that’s when her children come out and give her a hug.
Finally, it’s time for the HOH competition Country Hits in which two players will face off as they hear a country & western song that will describe one of the three types of challenges (HOH, POV, or BOB) and the housemates have to correctly assign it to one of those categories. After a series of face-offs, Frankie and Zach become the new heads of household. Derrick reveals that he threw his showdown because Frankie has already had an emotionally draining week. I haven’t seen such altruism since Oprah opened that all-girls school in Africa. Good work, Derrick!
Speaking of work, Derrick and the rest of Team American have some, as their secret mission is to get two houseguests to have an argument at either the nomination ceremony or the veto meeting. Seeing how this is happening on Big Brother, a shown that is know for arguments and drama, this should not be too difficult... if it were any other season. Derrick might need to calm himself down with another PB&J before he can make this happen.
Follow Phoebe Robinson on Twitter at @PRobinsonComedy.