Big Brother recap: Goal oriented

Cody gets "blood on his hands" as he is forced to nominate someone else for eviction.
Ep. 13 | Aired Jul 23, 2014

CBS

Last week, Jacosta and Amber won the Battle of the Block chess challenge, which resulted in the subsequent image of Jacosta not only getting filled with the Holy Ghost, but Casper the Ghost, the Ghost of Christmas Past, the Ghost of Christmas Present, and the ghost that came out of the TV in The Ring getting burned deep into viewers’ minds. Outdoing that is not simple, but Cody, this week’s HOH, is up to the task as he spends the majority of tonight’s episode worrying about having metaphorical blood on his hands after nominating Brittany and Victoria for eviction.

Speaking of Brittany, she, along with several of the female housemates, feels alone in the Big Brother game. Her isolation is punctuated by her need to find solace by wrapping herself in a thick blanket like a Tori Spelling-esque victim in a Lifetime movie. When she’s not feeing down, she busy doing Nancy Drew level detective work as to why she’s outcast, number one suspect Cody: “I’m not shoving my tits in his face.” But she’s not the only investigator in the house. Enter Caleb. He waltzes into the HOH room to spy on Cody and Amber. Upon seeing them hold hands, Caleb sits down, picks up a foam knife, and holds it like a vengeful king from Game of Thrones. Eventually, Caleb leaves to finally read the book He’s Just Not That Into You complain to Zach, of all people, about Cody and Amber, who clearly doesn’t have feelings for him.

With Amber still in his system, Caleb finds Brittany and vents some more. Brittany counters with her concerns over Cody being distant because she’s not throwing herself at him. Oh boy, if this were a romantic comedy, Brittany and Caleb would soon realize they’re meant for each other and go half on a Hulu Plus account and have some babies. Sadly, it’s real life, so the best we’re going to get is his assurance that she has his vote.

Thankfully, the sad fest ends the next day because it’s time for the Power of Veto competition. The players are Cody, Victoria, Brittany, Zach, Nicole, and Brittany’s houseguest choice, Caleb. Brittany tells Caleb she only picked him because he looks yummy in his denim button shirt. Maybe there is a little love spark after all because moments later, Caleb tells Cody that Victoria should go home. Cody is too concerned with the possibility of there being more blood on his hands if one of the nominees changes.

POV, which this week is the BB Cup (Big Brother’s homage to the World Cup a couple weeks late), begins. Frankie is in charge of the game and the less that’s said about his ultra-deep-V referee shirt, the better. The BB Cup is played in a series of rounds where the players launch soccer balls via a creepy torso into numbered soccer nets. The player scoring the fewest points in each round gets eliminated, but can still compete for prizes, such as the Power of Veto, hidden in trophies. Here’s how the game breaks down:
–Cody says he used to play soccer; therefore, if he loses this game, he’s an idiot. So naturally, he’s out in the first round, but manages to snag the Power of Veto.
–Brittany loses next and wins up with the penalty kick prize, in which she has to kick herself 10 times in the butt every time the phrase "penalty kick” is announced. She wisely swaps with Cody.
–Zach gets bounced and his prize is a Germany vacation. He keeps it.
–Nicole loses and gets the “goal oriented” prize, in which she has to kick 2,400 soccer goals in 24 hours or she won’t be able to compete in the next POV challenge. She swaps it for the POV necklace.
–It’s down to Victoria and Caleb. Victoria screws up and misses the goal; Caleb makes his and wins. Victoria’s trophy has a $5,000 cash prize and trades it for the POV necklace. Caleb picks his prize: wearing a Germ-itard, in honor of Germany winning the World Cup. Obviously, he’s going to switch that for the POV necklace, Brittany will be saved and he can go back to stalking Amber, who is rocking a mean version of Tina Turner’s mohawk from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Except, instead of taking the POV so he can save Brittany, he opts for the $5,000, which after taxes, will basically leave him with enough money to buy a ham sandwich and a month long bus pass. And now it’s time for Cody’s BLOOD ON HIS HANDS alert because now he has to nominate someone else for eviction.

Cody is clearly out for revenge and wants Caleb gone, but Frankie says, “not so fast,” because Caleb is still an ally for Team America. Meanwhile, Brittany begins her 2,400 goal kick punishment. By the end of the night, she’s up to 900 goals and says this punishment is the hardest thing she’s ever faced in her life. (This statement is questionable because she’s a mother of three children under the age of 10.)

Donny, whom we all really should be calling “Duck Dynasty Beard,” tells Zach and Hayden that Caleb deserves to be on the chopping block. Zach is down with this plan and makes this case to the rest of his alliance.

The next morning, Brittany resumes her goal kicking (she’s now at 1,000+) and despite a miniature breakdown, she completes the task and celebrates with most of the housemates, including Duck Dynasty Beard. DDB’s celebration is short-lived as Cody summons him. DDB starts working his magic by telling Cody not to worry about what everyone wants and to, “Think about what your family and what they would want you to do, which is upload your resume to LinkedIn once this show is over.” This is pretty much all it takes for Cody to decide Caleb is going on the block.

Cody tells Frankie, who runs to Derrick, which leads Derrick to go to Cody and try to convince him to nominate Donny because Brittany will never beat him in the eviction.

It’s the night of the veto meeting and Cody is now unsure of what to do. Cue another BLOOD ON HANDS ALERT! Victoria saves herself, thus forcing Cody to nominate someone else for eviction: the clerk at Billabong who sold him that awful tank top Donny. Duck Dynasty Beard vows to get to the bottom of this betrayal, and Brittany says she’s going to have to lie and cheat to stay in the house. See you back here tomorrow for the results of the eviction ceremony.

 —Phoebe Robinson

Follow Phoebe Robinson on Twitter at @PRobinsonComedy.


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