Big Brother recap: The Winding Road of Willie's Woes

Willie teaches us a valuable lesson: No matter how bad things are, they can always be worse
Ep. 05 | Aired Jul 22, 2012

DESPITE ALL APPEARANCES TO THE CONTRARY, Willie spends some time thinking about his game plan. 

Sonja Flemming/CBS

Years from now, when we look back at the greatest reality show meltdowns of all time, there is no way that the Ending of the Reign of King Willie, as my colleague Darren Franich calls him, won’t be a top contender. Born of a reality show family, Willie was practically pre-ordained to be a reality show whack job -- he had to surpass his Survivor brother and make his own legacy -- but no matter what his intentions, it’s safe to say that being thrown out of the house for head-butting Joe was not what he envisioned for his end game in the Big Brother house.

Let’s start at the beginning: After the Playmate bid the house adieu, and Frank became the new HoH, alliances started to change. Willie, behavior at the end of the episode notwithstanding, is no idiot: He knew he was a marked man. As Boogie -- always ready with a camera-ready explanation -- announced, “It’s now the house versus Willie.” Boogie also used his confessional camera time to bro-out with new BFF Frank. Frank -- despite having a mullet as a child -- is definitely a strong contender. Boogie may be obnoxious, but he also knows the advantage he holds by possibly putting all his eggs in the Frank basket.

While that coach/pair continued to power bond, Dan had some encouraging words for his one remaining contestant: Namely, Danielle should get in with Janelle’s team. If she continues to vote with them, they form a powerful block and she can get herself some security. On the way out with Janelle’s team: Britney. The two ladies’ alliance seemed to be drawing to a close last night, all thanks to the terrifying and at-one-time-powerful Willie. Janelle explained that she couldn’t put her players in danger by continuing associations with “raging lunatic” Willie.

Willie knew he was toast. During the episode he announced both “I know I’m the problem” and “I’m not in the house to be comfortable, I’m in this house to win half a million dollars” -- which is the same thematically as the “I’m not here to make friends” phrase that every psycho on every version of Real World, Survivor, Project Runway, etc. has ever uttered. Pro tip: You may not be here to make friends, but you should try and keep it in the back of your mind that not everyone should be terrified of you, either.

While one-man sinking ship Willie was busy digging himself a deeper hole, other characters were working on their own survival chances. Walking Ken doll Shane was deep in back rubs with Danielle, who realized pretty quickly that a showmance could only help her. Shane: “Long brown hair and a southern accent gets me every time.” Danielle: “If something happens [with us], it’s because it’s real.” Well, I believe one of you.

In other showmance news, apparently Ashley’s nerd crush on Ian is mutual. Ian told Boogie -- midway through Boogie essentially explaining to Ian how to act like a normal person and how not to creep the other housemates out -- that he was planning on asking Ashley on a slop date. Boogie immediately announced that Ian (previously known for kicking himself repeatedly in the face) didn’t stand a chance, but little was Boogie aware that Ashley, who so far is killing it in her game strategy to stick in the background, had a little nerd crush on him as well -- or so she says. She was certainly able to fake interest in the organic vs. inorganic chemistry question, which was basically just a set up for TV bloggers to make a comment about the duo’s complete lack of chemistry. You’re welcome, producers.

NEXT: The judges compete, and Boogie learns a valuable lesson

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