So this season is going... pretty much exactly as you'd expect, huh? Even with all the attempted manipulations and supposed heart-to-hearts, we landed back exactly where we were at this same time last week, only minus Cassi and with the looming question of whether Dom and Adam can pull off a second challenge win to save their skins. If that happens, these people better get a new script next week, or it's going to be like Groundhog Day up in here.
How are Lawon and Kalia still flying under the radar? Despite being deemed "super floaters" by Rachel and wearing a pair of Crocs that can be seen from space (Lawon!), they were sitting pretty. Literally. I think that was all they did tonight. Even Rachel said she would rather be napping than listening to Lawon's gesticulating circumlocution. The safest bet seems to be that they're weak competitors. Even after Lawon vowed to "fight like a dog," it seemed like he kind of just lounged around and did him (though props to this week's best sound bite, "Whose house? Rachel's house! Whew!"). Was it possible all their moments were left on the cutting room floor? Because there we were at minute 59, knowing nothing more about them this week than the ones before it.
And what a consummate letdown The Regulators turned out to be. Even Dom -- who snores like a baby dinosaur, we learned -- admitted that his stab at an alliance was an abysmal failure ("the worst alliance of all-time Big Brother history" were his exact words). As such, he scrambled to realign himself with someone, anyone, who could help him. Brenchel were the obvious first stop, and they were iffy at best. Then he paid a little bedside visit to Daniele, who has the most to gain from a strategic, game-changing alliance. If only she or one of the newbies could actually win a challenge that offers them any sort of power. Seeing their attempts to keep head above water have thus far been like watching a Roomba spinning around, bumping into corners, occasionally achieving the most minute of progress, but mainly just spitting out annoying noises.
MVP of the week -- if only because she deduced that three bars of soap + opera glasses = David Hasselhoff -- was Jordan. Hoff aside, she totally gave the finger to Brenchel by not inviting them to share in the luxury prize in Rachel's very own HoH suite. And yet, despite this snub, she and Jeff remained safe as kittens.
NEXT: Brenchel lose themselves in the game, gain absolutely no sympathy