Big Brother recap: Caltoru

A spelling competition pushes the contestants to their intellectual limits. Meanwhile, the Bomb Squad has some suspicions about Donny.
Ep. 04 | Aired Jul 2, 2014

TWO HEADS ARE BETTER The Bomb Squad alliance stayed strong, even if they're currently allied against a man whose most prominent skill is the ability to spell nine-letter words.


Joey believed in transparency. She wanted to come clean. So she walked upstairs and asked to speak to Devin. She told Devin the following:

"Well, Devin. I'll be honest with you. I was just, five minutes ago, downstairs trying to rally the women of the house in a gender uprising against you and your male-chauvinist-pig alliance. I was rebuffed on all sides. And now I just want to come upstairs and say that, well, I'm a feminist in real life. And I would completely understand why you guys have an all-guy alliance. And if you do, that's okay! I won't come at you, even though I'm telling you specifically that my plan five minutes ago was to come at you with all the power of the Amazons! Anyhow, good talk, and I really hope we can be friends and that you don't act on this information."

Devin kept his best poker face.

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This week's Veto Competition was a particularly fine outing for the nefarious Finnish parapsychologists who design the Big Brother competitions. They dressed up the minister Jocasta as an insect–a clear reference to Ingmar Bergman's Through a Glass Darkly, wherein God appears as a spider. The challenge was called Miami Lice, in honor of the great 1980s drama. Donny was dressed all in yellow and looked like a president from the mid-1800s who fell through a wormhole and became a cocaine-baron bad guy in a Fast & Furious sequel.

The contestants had to stare at a pool which contained a gigantic head that was infested with ice—kind of like America, maaaan. Victoria was unimpressed. "This is nothing like Miami!" she said in reference to a soapy pool containing a gigantic head infested with lice. "Miami's all about glamour, and fashion, and TV shows about well-dressed detectives, and bath salts! Not bugs! Ew!"

The players had to jump into the tub and grab little insect-lice-things, each of which contained a letter. They had to spell a word: Longest word would win. This was a spelling challenge in the grand tradition that gave us "technotronics." Could anyone live up to the Big Brother legacy?

Almost everyone made the curious decision to have one specific word in mind, which meant that almost everyone fell victim to a basic inability to find that one single letter. PowPow wanted to spell "calculators," and Caleb wanted to spell "Specialize," and Zach Rance wanted to spell "Zach Rance." In the end, Cody spelled "competively," and Victoria spelled "pharmaist," and Caleb spelled "secialize," which means I will henceforth refer to him as The Secialist until something better comes along.

But then.


Spelled "Caltoru."

Caltoru. Caltoru. Caltoru.

Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, EW is excited to share with you an exclusive look at the Flag of the Noble Kingdom of Caltoru, with the historic Caltoru colors of Amaranthine, Paolinium, and Yellow:

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And so Donny triumphed, thanks to his incredibly ability to spell "Splitters." Donny declared it Hashtag Beard Day. In the process, he seemed to seal the fate of Joey, who once again proved that the Big Brother Twist Curse is even more real than the ghosts that torment poor Nicole. Joey was the first member of Team America; now, she might be the first person to go home.

Follow Darren on Twitter: @DarrenFranich

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