Big Brother recap: You and Me Could Write a Bad Jojomance

It's the southern belle versus the Staten Island sweetheart, as Danielle and Jojo make their final plea. Meanwhile, the show basically admits this whole coaching thing was a bad idea
Ep. 07 | Aired Jul 26, 2012

REQUIEM FOR JOJO The Staten Island sweetheart was a little too real for the Big Brother house. Just as a general rule, people who are "too real" probably shouldn't be on reality shows.

Big Brother has spent the last few seasons operating on Calvinball rules. The show has thrown so many random twists into contestant's pathway: cliques, saboteurs, duos, golden keys, and now coaches. At this point, the savvy players have to plan for every Rumsfeldian possibility, for known knowns and known unknowns and unknown unknowns. Last night, Boogie and Britney had to ponder: If Danielle went home, would Coach Dan enter the game? From what I've seen in the comment boards, most people don't like when the show throws in twists. It upsets the natural flow of the game. In particular, this season's decision to add coaches means that the show spends an inordinate amount of time on the four people who have no real direct role in this season's gameplay.

It looks like the Big Brother producers have heard your cries. Last night's episode ended with Julie Chen announcing a new "America's Vote." Viewers can vote on whether or not they'd like the coaches to be offered the chance to enter the game as normal players. Pardon the tortured syntax in that last sentence -- the specific choice America was vague, and the whole thing has the faint whiff of a document that has been carefully lawyered.

Let's assume that America makes the right decision, and the four coaches are given the chance to hop into the game. How could they not? Janelle and Mike have strong alliances with big voting blocs. Britney and Dan, conversely, have nothing to lose, with just one player left apiece. These people are all competitive egomaniacs. Besides, they have to know that CBS wasn't calling them back just to sit on the sidelines and wear funny hats. Janelle and Britney both came tantalizingly close to winning Big Brother before. Boogie wants to cement his status as a BB great. And even though Dan has been a washout as a coach, you get the vibe that he wants to get back in the game -- but would he be like Michael Jordan returning to the Bulls, or Michael Jordan joining the Wizards?

Maybe we're being too hard on Danny-boy. His attempt to "light a fire" under Danielle by abandoning her on the side of the road looked like a wash. But Danielle pulled some smart moves on last night's episode. See, it all started because Shane and Jojo were getting chatty after hours in the Andy Warhol Vortex room. "It's so hot, I'm down to my thong," said Shane. "Me, too," said Jojo, "We should make out." Shane explained: "I don't kiss smokers. The tobacco cells might get in my hair."

It didn't vibe genuine attraction to me. Just a bit of fun flirting between friends. But Ian saw a showmance in the making.

NEXT: Hell hath no fury

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