Big Brother recap: Womanimal House

Caleb spirals into freaky obsession, and the first contestant goes home
Ep. 05 | Aired Jul 3, 2014

THE YELLOW KING Fear the Beard

CBS

Caleb looks exactly like Jeremy Renner if someone somehow figured out a way to fit an entire Hemsworth torso inside of Jeremy Renner, and it's bothering me. It's bothering me because Caleb is very clearly someone who will wind up going crazy—if he's not there already—and I worry that the crazier he gets, the more he will remind me of Jeremy Renner in The Town. Am I crazy? Consider the photo evidence. Here is Caleb wearing what Captain America would wear if Captain America were a skateboarder from the hipster corner of Neptune:

Big-Brother-3

And here is Jeremy Renner in the 2012 film The Avengers, where he essayed the role of Guy Who Didn't Get A Spinoff:

Renner-Mash

What'd I tell you? Crazy resemblance, right? And speaking of crazy: Caleb is for Amber. He sees the way she looks at him, all those times when she is specifically not looking at him. He told her he likes her. He told her she definitely likes him. He told her that he starred in a Bourne movie.

Amber: "Bourne Identity? I love that movie! It brought the spy thriller into 21st century!"
Caleb: "No, the other one."
Amber: "Supremacy? I really liked that one! It's the Empire Strikes Back, adding a whole tragic layer to the franchise!
Caleb: "No, the other one."
Amber: "Ultimatum? That was a really good final act, even if the car chase scenes were impossible to follow."
Caleb: "No, the other one."
Amber: "...Are you Richard Chamberlain?"
Caleb: "No."
Amber: "Oh."
Caleb: "But I was in Mission: Impossible, too!"
Amber: "YOU WERE IN MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 2? Holy crap, I love that movie! It's like John Woo remade Notorious as a slow-motion musical, with fighting!"
Caleb: "No, no, I was in Ghost Protocol."
Amber: "Oh. That one was okay. I liked when the guy hung out of the building. Did you—"
Caleb: "That was Tom Cruise."

Things got more awkward from there. And speaking of awkward: Joey decided to campaign to save herself from the block by introducing her male alter ego, "Alex." It was a curious strategy, but it made sense: In the span of just a few short days, Joey managed to completely kamikaze-torpedo her game by making bold moves with zero support and then announcing those bold moves to the people she was trying to move against. EW is excited to share an exclusive photo of Alex below:

She

The votes were... not close. And by "not close," I mean it was a blowout. Everyone voted against Joey, which could mean we're in for another season of everyone complaining that they "don't want to get blood on their hands." There should be a season of Big Brother where the twist is that everyone starts the day by dipping their hands into a gallon of pig's blood, just to get them into an aggressive mood. There should be a question on the Big Brother questionnaire which asks: "Do you value human life?" And when they find 16 people who answer no, they've found their best cast ever.

Although Joey was kicked out, the Team AmericaWorld Police twist will continue. Donny is now the "first" member of Team America, an honor that made him cry for the fifth time that week. The great thing about Donny is that he looks like a lovable old coot in the community theater performance of The Last Picture Show, but he reacts to life as if everything that happens to him is the last 10 minutes of Hoosiers. He is a lovely person who is also dangerously close to floating his way into third place.

The Head of Household challenge was fraternity themed and separated by gender. Contestants had to walk across a balance beam, pick up kegs, move them across the lawn, and stack them in front of the frat house. I was in a fraternity, and if this competition had been part of our rituals, it would have been maybe the 15th most difficult and 35th most embarrassing part of pledge period. (People on the porch could throw frisbees at the players; replace "Frisbees" with "Hurling Hurtful Accusations About One's Mothers and/or Hurling Empty Beer Bottles" and it would've been more realistic.)

Amber completely owned the challenge on the ladies' side. We should remember that she is a model or whatever, so she has good poise or whatever. I'm kind of excited for Amber to be in power–she seemed happy fading into the background, but HoH forces people to take center stage. Over on the male side, Hayden came very, very close to winning, but tumbled off the balance beam at the last moment. That meant Cody took the win... or at least, he would have, if there hadn't been what Julie endearingly referred to as a "foul." Because Cody stepped off early, Devin wound up winning HoH.

That means that the Bomb Squad is firmly in control of the game once again. I'm not sure this is quite what the Big Brother scientists were hoping for when they conjured up the Double Head of Household twist; so far, it's a rich-get-richer game-play mechanism that ensured a powerful early-days alliance became the only game in town. Still, fissures could be forming. Devin is vibing like an obsessive, and Caleb is vibing like an insane person, and Amber really thinks that Jeremy Renner actually peaked with 28 Weeks Later. Will the Bomb Squad explode?

Follow Darren on Twitter: @DarrenFranich


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