'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' season finale recap: We Are So Done. No, We Are.

Oh man, buzz kill. Was this the weirdest, saddest, most abrupt Housewives finale ever? Imagine if New York ended with Kelly shoving jellybeans in her mouth while tears ran down her Caribbean-tanned face. Nobody can feel good about last night. It began awkwardly in New York with Kelsey answering his wife's pre-Tonys toast. "Here's to love," he said in a clenched voice. "Isn't that nice." We segued miserably to the limo ride where Camille told her out-the-door husband that she hoped he won that night. "I've won already," he assured her. Won the heart of his younger true love? Won the PR battle? Won the better divorce lawyer? All I know is nothing good ever happens in the back of a limo on Bravo TV. Do you hear that, future Housewives of America? If anyone from production ever tells you that they've arranged for limo transportation, call a cab.

Poor Kyle, who I still love, I don't care what you all say, did not shine brightly this episode. She began with a trip to her psychic, who is apparently very gifted, unlike that ass-clown Allison Dubois. (I don't know, at this point I think the lot of you are ridiculous when it comes to paying people to tell you about yourselves.) Anyways, Kyle had brought along what I assume was a cloaked box of her mother's ashes. "Do you think I'm crazy?" she asked her psychic. She's a psychic. You're a dream client. Okay, she also brought a lock of Ma's hair. Maybe a little crazy. The psychic wondered if someone recently hadn't had Kyle's back. Oh for the love of ... Drop it, Kyle!

In what was perhaps my favorite scene of an otherwise dark evening, Taylor met Lisa for lunch. These two women despise each other and it's rather delicious to watch them smile and circle one another with gleams of hatred in their shiny eyes. "Doing what you do best? Shopping I see," purred Lisa. "Only second to you my darling," Taylor shot smoothly back. "Glass of rose?" Lisa wanted the truth. And what Lisa wants, Lisa will...not get from our cagey Tay Tay. Somehow Snowball's original mistress deflected the conversation from her culpability to her frustrations when dealing with Kim. Well fix it, demanded Lisa, before shifting insincerely to concerns over Taylor's unhappiness in her marriage.

Poor Kim. It's not her fault she wears the wrong shade of lipstick. It's because she was always on set, slaving away under the hot lights so Kyle could have her fancy cars and the family could have a roof over their head. Maybe if she'd had friends like Kyle or gone to school like Kyle she wouldn't find herself sitting as an adult in Chuck Taylors in a makeup chair being barked at by a makeup artist to dab, dab!, at the eye instead of smear. If she'd learned proper application techniques as a child she wouldn't find herself so lost today. Something tells me it's going to take a lot more than finding the right blush to get our wounded bird some wings.

Speaking of clipped wings, Camille's IBS was back in full force what with her marriage going up in flames. D.D. found her idly sifting through her gowns in a tank top and hot pants. New York had been a disaster. The doorman at the apartment building refused to accept that she was the Mrs. Grammer. She'd been forced to show I.D. to get up to the little closet that she herself had hired someone to decorate. (Harsh, Kelsey.) The dissolution of one's marriage is a terrible thing, whether the abandoned party is a terrible woman or not. Camille kept telling us how betrayed and heartbroken she was, how Kelsey had her locked in a Malibu cage all these years, how she was reasonably sure her husband had left her for a woman. (Who, what, now?) Occasionally she lifted a finger to rub at her dry eye. Hmmm. Either she really wasn't that surprised, or that bummed, or all those chemical peels and little shots here and there have prevented her face from ever slipping into an expression. The only evidence that she was feeling emotion was a light sheen around her taut cheekbones. How could anyone expect her to pull it together for a party?

UP NEXT: Not a single person had fun at Taylor's birthday party.