The Bachelorette recap: The Lovers, the Dreamers, and Emily

The Bachelorette enlists the Muppets to help her embarrass the guys (and raise money for charity, of course), while Kalon continues to annoy everyone he speaks to... except Emily
Ep. 02 | Aired May 21, 2012

BACHELORETTE LEFT, RIGHT FROG Kermit and Emily make a cute couple, don't they? (Spoiler alert!)

ABC

Breaking news! Scott Wickersham of channel 9 has a developing story: The Bachelorette is filming at this house right here. What are you waiting for, potential stalkers? Put on your tuxedo made of gum wrappers and stuff that proposal written in your blood on loose leaf paper into your pocket, because it's week two already. Time's a wastin'!

"This is my town," Emily tells us at the beginning of the episode. "I'm comfortable here." And why shouldn't she be -- despite, you know, the hovering helicopters and such? She's got a whole network of fellow soccer moms who can take Ricki to soccer practice so she can go on her first date of this "journey." To that end, Harrison gathers of the men at the Potential Husband Plantation to lay out the "complicated" rules: roses, good; no roses, buh-bye. Got it. Hand over that first date card, buddy!

Beefy guy whose name I can't remember right now (thank god for this page) reads the message: "Ryan, be my king in Queen City." As the other men look on jealously, Ryan drops a little WWJD truth bomb on them: "My pastor always said, 'If you treat a woman like a queen, she'll treat you like a king.'" Amen, pal! Let's hope your nondescript black carry-on bag does not get to take a trip in the Reject Airport Van. When it's time to go, Emily strolls into the backyard where the rest of the guys are wandering around shirtless by the pool, hoping somebody with a camera will walk by and ask them to star in a Muscle Milk ad. "Hellooooo," she calls. Ryan, having put the finishing touches on his hair, is ready. "He makes me just a little nervous just 'cause he's so good looking," says Emily, as Ryan opens the car door for her. (Driver's side -- nice!) "And the last I guy I really dated was Brad -- crazy good looking, and we all know how that turned out. So... we'll see."

We will, won't we? While Ryan has typical Bachelorette dates in mind -- "maybe a plane ride, a hot air balloon ride" -- instead, Emily is taking him back to her house... to put away groceries. Ricki's soccer team needs a snack, so the Bachelorette is enlisting Ryan to bake cookies. (Side note: There are still places in America where you can bring cookies, rather than carrot sticks or orange slices, to a kids' soccer practice? Amazing.) While the pro sports trainer is a bit embarrassed to don a flowery apron and mix the flour and eggs, he handles it with minimal fuss, and Emily proclaims that Ryan did indeed pass "the cookie test." As a reward, he gets to have a real dinner date with the Bachelorette, one where she'll be wearing a dark magenta off-the-shoulder minidress rather than "mom clothes." (Unless, you know, your mom runs a high-class escort agency or something.)

No wonder Emily got all dolled up -- seems like the whole town has turned up to watch her take a date to a neighborhood Italian joint, which has literally rolled out the red carpet for her. Cameras flash and locals cheer as she and Ryan scurry inside. Good thing the restaurant has been cleared out, because Emily has some hard questions for Ryan, and she's gonna want to hear the answers. How many serious girlfriends has he had? (Two.) Do you lose interest when the thrill of the chase is over? "You came with some hard questions tonight -- my goodness!" teases Ryan, perhaps trying to buy some time.

NEXT: The guys make a rainbow connection


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