Nashville recap: Arm Sex with Deacon and Rayna

Rayna and Deacon collaborate; Juliette finds a personal Jesus in Avery; Zac Brown and Jay DeMarcus guest star as themselves
Ep. 12 | Aired Jan 22, 2014

ARMED AND READY They're writing sex songs right now.

ABC

There are two kinds of relationships on Nashville: Either you're sleeping together or you're writing songs together. Sometimes it's both. In agony, it's neither. Time for some status updates….

Juliette and Avery: Writing together! Soon to be sleeping together, obviously. For me, this pair had the best plot of Wednesday's episode, "Just For What I Am." Overwhelmed with doubt after her haters ruined her tour (#GodlessBitch #JulietteSucks), Juliette worried all "this" was gonna go away. Avery helped her remember what it is about her career she loved in the first place -- it wasn't the huge house and tons of cash; it was her love for the music.

Great idea for Avery to go with the "show, don't tell" method and bring Juliette down to da streets for a twangy duet. Only after re-connecting with the delighted eyes of onlookers genuinely enjoying her talent could Juliette get her groove back, get herself into church for a quick prayer session, and get over to Avery's to write some sort of redemption song.

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Not to mention, Juliette's Zooey Deschanel in New Girl disguise is a television make-under for the ages.

Look at that facial expression, too! SHE'S A REAL ARTIST.

It also takes a real artist to barf as violently as Juliette did after a vodka bender. The directional change mid-spew was a marvel.

F*cking Jeff Fordham! The Edge Hill boss went on a disgusting rant right up in Juliette's face. "You think you're talent? You think you deserve this house? 'Cause I think you're just visiting. 'Cause you're trailer trash hiding under a pile of sequins." Uhhh. Okay, first of all, one does not hide under sequins. Sequins serve to embellish and better illuminate one's God-given talent! Just ask anyone who's ever associated with Dancing With the Stars. No, don't. Anyway, Jeff wanted Juliette to apologize to everyone and make amends with God.

"I'm not gonna lie," she seethed firmly.

It got worse. "You are a lie," Jeff went on. "An uneducated, mildly talented lie, and you know it. And you will own this sin. AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR?"

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EVIL.

NEXT: Rayna and Deacon keep it on the sweet side

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