American Idol recap: The Lion Queen

Zoanette Johnson is a crazy hot mess. So why did I just watch 'Circle of Life' five times?
Ep. 13 | Aired Feb 27, 2013

FAR TOO MUCH TO TAKE IN HERE As Zoanette finds her place on the path unwinding, her fashion sense moves us all.

Michael Becker/Fox


Aubrey Cleland -- Well hello, heavenly creature. We haven't been formally introduced, so would you mind standing there with your hip cocked so that the cameras can get a slow, sweeping pan of your 19-stories-high legs? Most excellent. The mixed-race Oregon native is stunningly pretty and didn't try to oversell Beyoncé's "Sweet Dreams" -- not that she'd have any chance of pulling that one off, of course. Her voice is nice and she didn't mess up, but that's about all I can say. The judges blah-blahed about Aubrey's "complete package" nature -- to reiterate, that means that Randy "would sign her right now because she looks amazing." I can't argue with any of this, really. She has a lovely, unassuming stage presence and a face expressly created for an album-cover closeup. Did you see that exquisitely placed off-center forehead mole? Well done, God.

Breanna Steer -- What?! Not another one! Here's a second absolutely gorgeous Rihanna look- and sound-alike we've never seen much of before, who delivered major sass factor in her cover of Jazmine Sullivan's "Bust Your Windows." I can't tell if the drama-queen persona is a total put-on or if she really has an attitude. I sort of hope she has an attitude! Too many sickly sweet girls here so far.

Anyway, Nicki suggested that the Honduran/Black/Creole Breanna team up with Aubrey and "two more girls that look sexy" to form a supergroup. I ask again: What is this, The X Factor? Keep it in your pants, Minaj. This "Miss. Little. Lady. Bug." wants to "Work. Work. Work." on her own. At least for now.

Candice Glover -- I'm not sure why I came out underwhelmed after the soul specialist's cover of Aretha Franklin's "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman." I really appreciated the unique arrangement that gave her vocal more of an obvious power-note spotlight at the end (Candice said she came up with it herself) and marveled at some of her other little choices. I hope she won't suffer from early-pimpage syndrome -- she's been mentioned time and time again so the idea of her as a frontrunner has been drilled into our brains almost as forcefully as Mariah Carey's boobs. Maybe it just feels bizarre when it doesn't seem like a contestant has to do much to prove herself. Most of them are still/especially so desperate at this point, you know? Anyway, Randy encouraged Candice to "do all kinds of stuff no one else can do" with her voice and not be afraid to take more risks. I liked how Nicki expressed shock at how Candice didn't make it past Vegas last season, to which Randy protested that last year was "such a different time." Really? Was everyone deaf back then, back in the olden days?

NEXT: Zoanette Johnson, infuriating people since the day she arrived on Planet Lythgoneus

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