American Idol season premiere recap: J. Lo, Take the Wheel?

The returning judge steamrolls new judge Harry Connick Jr. in the season 13 premiere
Ep. 01 | Aired Jan 15, 2014

TA DA! The Bronx Steamroller grants Hollywood access.


Whew! We have not lost Harry Connick Jr., not yet. He issues New England Patriots cheerleader Stephanie Petronelli, 22, another of his revered standards, "I don't think you're a good enough singer. No." But he's no match for J. Lo, who thinks Stephanie had "more soul than I expected" on "Paris (Ooh La La)" -- "I will slap you on national television," she warns the legit musician with a valid opinion to her left. Keith Urban eventually slides over from the top of the fence to J. Lo's astro turf pasture. Ehhh. I'm with Harry. Keith and J. Lo somehow got "gravelly voiced cheerleader with potential" from that, but all I got was "chain smoker."

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I enjoyed this poor, unfortunate soul, who answered "How'd it go in there?" with a simple glare and "It sucked."

Savion Wright, 21, is in a class by himself on tonight's premiere, and you might even be able to base that ALONE on the fact that he hasn't auditioned in previous years because he didn't think he was ready as an artist. Whaaaat? Youths with restraint still exist? Arrest this alien! Seriously, though, what a dream contestant. Can we give a medal to his mom for gifting him a guitar after he was diagnosed with ADHD?

Savion performs an acoustic original full of all the stuff the cool, introspective kids are into these days -- "hiding in fear of what I really am…" "…I'm afraid to believe the dark side of me…I'm afraid you will leave both sides of me." Yet he's grinning the whole time and the rhythm is upbeat! I'm fascinated. Maybe I'm too easy and pawn-like, but whatever. I'm into the guy. And this is weird, but my favorite part of his segment was when Harry good-naturedly joked that he was Chris Issak, and Savion nearly died laughing. He knew who that was, too!

"What kind of mind does it take to say 'I'm gonna wait, I'm not good enough'"? wonders Harry. Ooh, I've got goosies. First of the season!

Power Chord #2: Terrica Curry, 20, who has two moms, Justin Fira, 24, a Corpus Christi valet parker, and Shelby Comey, 15, from Mason, Texas, who earned a "Miranda Lambert when she was 15" comparison from J. Lo. But in this case, I must admit I'm glad they skimped on the performance footage so that there could be enough time for…..

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For no reason!

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None at all.

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Yeah, this should end well.

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It's been really graceful so far.

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"Pleasure doing business with you, sir."

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The end.

Seriously some of Ryan's best work.

Do you like how I keep refusing to learn gifs?

NEXT: Bring that baby in here -- J. Lo is hungry

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