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TRANNY-WRECK Ryan Seacrest politely golf-claps for one of Oklahoma City's most illustrious bewigged loons.
The Oklahoma City auditions feature a ventriloquist yodeler and Steven Tyler in drag. Two different people, I promise!| Published Feb 1, 2013
This final auditions episode was just an hour, yet felt like a huge joke. You've gotta hand it to Idol for packing in so much quality content -- a puppet dog named Oscar, a delusional creep who believed God told her to audition terribly, and drag queens both established and unconfirmed. The surge of carefully cut, staggeringly relevant footage really hit a high point when Randy Jackson wondered, "What is happening in Oklahoma, Ryan?" and Ryan said "I don't know, Randy." Ruminate on that for awhile and tell me you weren't just visited from God yourself.
Five out of 45 golden ticket meet-and-greets ain't bad! I mean, it's terrible, but whatever. The auditions are over. Meltdown Week, here we come!
The best thing I can say about proud Joplin, Missouri and Ginger Nation representative Karl Skinner, 26, is that he can play the guitar. "Elvis had a guitar!" helpfully contributed Mariah Carey. He was pretty annoying all-around with the James Brown dancing and screeching and couldn't even stay on pitch during his lone wail in the confessional area.
After "I Feel Good," Karl fared a little better with a surprisingly staid original tune with the guitar -- but the judges preferred the crazy. "I felt the guitar was like restricting that monster inside," said Nicki, apparently envisioning a tiny yet ferocious orange-colored kitten. Randy decided Karl "could be the Idol mascot" with his professional-sounding take on the title of the show. Awww, somebody hug Seacrest. He feels left out.
This painful chest bump will have to do. The circle of life -- it moves us all.
NEXT: Ryan saw The Sign