Ryan Seacrest announced "shocking news that would affect that judges and turn the competition upside down" at the beginning of tonight's results show. Another lie! The surprise twist was something everyone already suspected: No one was eliminated this week. The judges never used their Save, so the season would've ended one week early. This way, the season gets to end on time.
I know this is all very shocking! If your life has been thrown completely out of whack and you can't bear to finish this recap announcing nothing -- I understand. You may want to go enjoy an ice-cold Coke in a Ford Fiesta and take a good few hours to recover. I know I will.
Candice Glover and Amber Holcomb were the official bottom two this week, so Kree Harrison and Angie Miller will have an advantage headed into the next round of performances. All the viewer votes from this week (over 38 million!) will be combined with next week's. America's efforts to vote 50 times at once were not for naught.
Meanwhile, tonight's results show featured music from Idol alums Stefano Langone and Lee DeWyze (didn't it seem like everyone was trying to avoid eye contact with both Lee and the cameras after that?), a guest appearance by Drake, who'd come by to congratulate Candice on a job well done covering "Find Your Love," and an absurdly awkward production disaster that had the Top 4 girls shakily reading Ryan's lines as he was late coming back onstage.
I totally thought this was all part of a gag -- a continuation, somehow, of the Ford-sponsored segment featuring four identical versions of Ryan. Would all four of them emerge from behind the Top 4 to give them bunny ears? Would they descend from the rafters? Would the four Ryans award the four judges four Fords because the judges are so awesome?
Nope. Just a genuine faux pas. Ryan confessed that he'd been over on the adjacent Dancing With the Stars set, polishing Tom Bergeron's Emmy…. liiiiiiiiiive! Seems plausible enough.
There was an obscene amount of time to kill, more than usual, so the contestants had to name five things about themselves in 20 seconds. Angie "got" three. Candice got four. Kree got two, plus a bonus announcement that she sucks. But dahling Amber, apple of the producers' eyes, gleaming jewel in their collective pierced septum, was able to name SIX things about herself. Amber wins! She was in a play!
I need to go towel off and breathe after all this action! What about you? #IdolSurprise