American Idol recap: Life Is Like a Song

The San Antonio and Long Beach auditions deliver some inspiring hopefuls -- one of whom was bullied for being on 'Maury'!
Ep. 05 | Aired Jan 30, 2013

AT LAST My lovely sequined tube top has come along.


I was less impressed by Ann Difani, 23, whose football-playing hubby Jordan had nominated her for an inspirational on-field visit from Randy Jackson. She had a very pretty tone on Faith Hill's "Stronger," like Keith said, but her fervent effort made her seem a bit robotic and over-eager to please. "I love country -- the steel guitar, tight harmony, the stories…but I could cross over into pop as well!" It just seemed like a prepared speech, like she studied from notecards. What could be worse than notecards? Oddly enough, ladyrivals Nicki and Mariah both pretended they were about to blow Ann off before giving her a yes.

Similarly, I suspect Victoria Acosta, 20, was thrown in, editing-wise, to add some colorful human interest to the episode -- a mariachi singer since childhood, she often rides down the river "greeting people to San Antonio" with her unique vocals. Unfortunately there was a big disconnect between Victoria and Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry," but after Randy asked her to sing some mariachi, she was clearly feelin' it. That's not gonna work on the greatest karaoke contest in the history of the world, river girl! Thank you for playing.

"Most people see a cute little white boy, and I'm so much more than that," complained Papa Peachez, 19. He's right -- it's rough out there for cute white boys in America these days. The "big black woman trapped in a little boy's body" -- not another one -- warbled through an original track, "Gypsy on the Rise," and actually had a fantastic sense of pitch. Well, I think. Who knows what the notes were supposed to be? But even a cute white boy bursting at the seams with lady blackness is not gonna survive in this parade if he refuses to sing covers. "If you could get really serious about it…." Randy trailed off before voting no. But Nicki eventually bullied him into letting the "quirky kind of artist" (pronounced "arTTTTist" for some ungodly reason) through. "It's a small yes," corroborated Mariah, barely.

Not everyone was impressed with Papa Peachez' impromptu choreography sesh.

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Those poor Americans!

NEXT: I'd rather go blind, but I get a good feeling

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