American Idol recap: Southern Proper

The Baton Rouge auditions focus on the contestants for a change; Keith Urban reveals more heavage
Ep. 04 | Aired Jan 24, 2013

BREAK A LEG 'I will let my leg fall off before I miss my audition,' Megan Miller boldly announced, in heels.


Dustin Watts, 27, is a sexy fireman who can sing. What's with all these consummate professionals who are also musically talented? Season 12 is bananas so far. And he does country? Dustin's easy-breezy-beautiful cover of Garth Brooks'  "She's Every Woman" had me convinced that with the right advancement track and judges' backing, he could win this thing. I can't see them putting him through based on that scary truth alone, though -- Idol wants a lady winner this year. Doesn't this sexy fireman have a flame to extinguish somewhere? THE FLAME OF HIS DREAMS.

Either way, Dustin should cover George Strait's song "The Fireman," as Keith suggested. I'd listen, especially if it came with a complimentary calendar. Of Keith Urban chest tat shots. You did it to yourself, Keith! You dirty tease.

Burnell Taylor, 19, appeared to spend his entire segment juuuuuust waking up from a nap. This inexplicably bothered me, despite his general perfection -- but I think I was just jealous he seemed so well-rested. Burnell realized he knew how to sing after Hurricane Katrina -- his mom, sister and he had to pack up anything that wasn't destroyed (nothing, really) and move to Baton Rouge, where he learned to appreciate the few intangible things he does have. "I'm Here" from The Color Purple was a fashionable choice, unlike Burnell's sky blue board shorts and sweatshirt-as-belt. Keith "Heavage" Urban, who can't bother to finish dressing himself either, shouldn't talk….

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…..but he warned Burnell to "dress for the occasion" once he gets to Hollywood.

The judges generally over-salivated over Burnell's admittedly goose bumpy performance -- Mariah "felt every single word you sang" through her tears, Nicki declared "We've been flying all around this country for that," and Keith, who'd already shown his approval through a series of seated "HELL YEAH!" dance moves, predicted that "Somewhere there's a spotlight right now, just waiting for you to walk in it." The most advanced computer in the world could not auto-generate a more perfect smattering of The Same Old S---.

But what a wonderful moment for Burnell and his family. I hope he makes it really far if only so that his many older female relatives can continue to welcome Ryan Seacrest into their exclusive circle.


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I sure do hope this becomes a regular thing.

That's pretty much it for the hour!

See you next week, and be sure to vote in today's Bitchery Update Poll....

Who threw better shade in Baton Rouge: Nicki or Mariah?

Read more:
All 'American Idol' recaps on
Nicki vs. Mariah fight sparked by the 'country thing'
Lazaro Arbos: Best 'American Idol' audition ever? -- TEARJERKING VIDEO
'American Idol': 12 Wishes for Season 12

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