I still have no idea why Jessica Sanchez of all people chose Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing." Look, she's great. She sings very well. But why an Aerosmith song, and why a Pocahontas costume instead of a cool rocker-chick outfit? I'm surprised John Smith and Grandmother Willow (ft. the face of Steven Tyler) didn't make a guest appearance in the Great Idol Oval of Life. I don't know how I'm still typing words instead of Photoshopping that right now, to be honest. Anyway, Jessica sounded great, bizarre song choice or not. Steven gave her a solo standing O. Apparently he never has anything good to say when contestants sing his songs. Lauren Alaina would beg to differ.
"That note at the end, wow -- sent everybody into the heavens," said Steven. "This girl is bold right here, she wants this. Dude, you delivered, man," said Dreamsicle Jackson. Does he know her gender or doesn't he? Randy always keeps us guessing.
Phillip Phillips' choice, "Disease" by Matchbox 20, underwhelmed the judges but likely delighted his fans. I didn't really care about the song but I enjoyed the elaborate setup of crates and the squiggly black upper arm cuff that She Bangs (saxy beast Mindy Abair) was rocking. Phillip's vocal was nothing special but the judges' dismissal was a little out of character. "We'll see what you got next," snapped J. Lo, who wanted to be wowed. Of course, we knew it would be bad news as soon as she began, "Hi sweetie" -- the J. Lo equivalent of "Your dog just died." Randy, on the other hand, gifted Phillip -- and us -- with one of his finest critiques to date. No need to thank me for the dutiful transcription. I learned a lot.
This is a crazy moment. No, no, this is weird. People are always saying we all agree. Actually this time we all disagree, but we actually all agree again. I didn't like it either. Here's why. Here's why! Here's why. Here's why here's why. Here's why. Just such a subdued moment from you and you do those things in your sleep. It was just okay.
Randy Jackson, ladies and gentleman, dawgs and dudes.
"You don't have a disease -- you got the bug, man. Get used to it because you never will," Steven advised Phillip. The bug man cracked up hard at this. These two are such spirit animals. Maybe Phillip should have chosen a (better, cooler) Aerosmith song.
Jimmy's Choice. Step right up, Jimmy! Now step three down. Two up again. Make Ryan Seacrest chase you up and down the stairs. Good boy.
Yay or nay on Colton Dixon's hairy cleavage?
NEXT: Joshua don't ever wanna hurt again