'American Idol' recap: The Big Easy Listening

Deep down in the celebrated music town of New Orleans, 6,500 young creatures gathered on the banks of the Mississippi. Not all of them could sing, but if each one hummed, even slightly, something resembling a song could waft up from the river, an oily beacon of hope. Instead, the hideous vocal box attached to a single lost soul croaked out the final few lyrics of Nat King Cole's "Smile," then promptly burst into tears. Just another day at the American Idol auditions, where dreams go to die.

Mardi Gras! Masks! J. Lo's got a fresh weave! It was party time in the excellent South, and a very promising batch of singers emerged from the murk. So who got a golden ticket? Who got a golden chance to make my day?

First, there was Jordan Dorsey, 21, a piano and vocal teacher who comes fully endorsed by an adorable 6-year-old. My oh my is he a tall drink of chocolate milk. I'm thirsty. Is anyone thirsty? J. Lo was. A few lines into "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," Jordan decided to "change it up" and began snapping it out. If I had time and artistic talent, I'd draw a chart mapping the progression of J. Lo's goosebumps against Jordan's playful melodic twists. Surely the biggest outbreak would hit at "That's where you'll find me," but Jordan's verbal stylings, like "loll-ibye" and "where trouble smelt like lemon drops" were so endearing (problematic?) that J. Lo's G. Bumps could have spiked there as well. This kid can really jump, by the way. I hope he makes it to the finals based on sheer athletic ability and height. Imagine him next to Ryan! Oh yeah. You want this.

Meet Sarah Sellers, a pillow-lipped 28-year-old "marketing analyst by day, aspiring singer and a food and music blogger" by all other hours. Finally. An adult. With bangs, to boot. Louisiana is shaped like a boot. Sarah's version of Bob Dylan's "Make You Feel My Love" ping-ponged seamlessly between strong and soft, prompting some major love from Steven. But had she even needed to sing? "You had me sold from the moment you laid eyes on me," said the wise old loon from an alternate reality in which this is actually a dating series and he is its knight-in-shining-cheeks star. (And there's a twist: They're related!!!) Bachelor Tyler snapped out of it, though. "Your voice, mostly. I like your voice."

NEXT: Randy and Steven disrobe. Apologies to Marc Anthony.

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