American Idol recap: Talk to the Inked-Up Hand

The manicured claws come out in another round of dramatic bitchery and forgotten lyrics
Ep. 09 | Aired Feb 13, 2013

SAY IT WITH GLOWERS Zoanette Johnson's attitude desperately needed to catch up with her necklace.

Fox

Stephanie Schimel, Alex Delaney, Kalli Therinae, and Holly Miller had begrudgingly chosen "Total Eclipse of the Heart," but decided to switch in the morning to the dreaded (at least on this episode) "Somebody That I Used to Know." First of all, how do you not know the words to either of these songs?! I will never cease to recoil in shock at how many of these professed music lovers simply don't seem to know any songs. Youth is no excuse. Get it together! Figure it out! Play it on someone's iPhone 200 times before you start dancing and crap.

Anyway, they were awful, Alex in particular.

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You know it's bad when even your dad's not into it!

Still, Stephanie and Holly advanced. "Why did they let me through? I totally botched that!" squeaked Stephanie. Um, you know why. You're a lingerie sales associate and you look like a Barbie. Moving on.

Oh, I thought Holly's voice was fine, but her demeanor was awkward. Kalli was my favorite of this group by far. I really don't get why they'd cut her when so many mistake-makers got off scot-free throughout the night. Annoying.

The Dolly Chicks tried out "Sin Wagon" and it was really no big whoop, though I enjoyed the unique twang and tempo Kree Harrison brought to the song. I don't think we've seen her yet. Britnee Kellogg, a 28-year-old stay-at-home-mom, had Hollywood Week experience, so she became the group mom and wouldn't let anyone go to bed. But impetuous over-tanned child Haley Davis was having none of that, disobeying her new mother by going to sleep at 4 a.m. The judges brought this up while the girls were onstage, because this is how manufactured drama works, and Britnee "covered" for Haley, claiming she had a stomach virus, which was obviously a lie. Girl was tanner than ever!

ANYWAY, all three of these people got to move on and it was Brandy Neelly -- just about the sweetest 17-year-old you'll ever meet -- who sort of randomly had to leave. What was that?

"I love your voice, Brandy," Keith assured her as she walked off with a supremely mature attitude. NOW GET OUT. Weird.

NEXT: Kez Ban deigns to participate

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