American Idol recap: Less Than F***ing Perfect

The Top 10 take on Top 10 Hits; Harsh Harry is just being honest, y'all
Ep. 19 | Aired Mar 19, 2014

SOMEBODY CLEAN THAT MIRROR! Pretty pretty please?

Fox

This the Top 10 contestants could sing any Top 10 hit. Any hit! That's, like, any J. Lo song. The possibilities were finite.

M.K. Nobilette, "Perfect" by Pink: Yikes! Well, I'll back up. The opening part, with M.K. singing to herself in the mirror (someone -- preferably Randy Jackson -- please come wipe down that dusty mirror) was very cool. She's damn near perfect in this intimate setting with her, herself, and the fiery red streaks in her hair. But a LOT of people are great in front of a non-audience. J. Lo loves singing into the mirror. As soon as M.K. headed out onto the stage, it's like she disappeared into a sleepy fog. After she came in too early midway through the song, she fell apart, turning her back on the judges and audience. Harsh (Honest!) Harry set the tone for the rest of the show with his words for M.K.: "I think you'd make an incredible record. But what kind of show could you put together? This sounded like the Pink version with you on top. If you're not gonna make it sound better…."

Dexter Roberts, "Cruise" by Florida Georgia Line: Isn't Dexter supposed to be a rollicking good time or something? He seems really fun with those dogs. I can't believe how not-fun he made this usually upbeat song, by lazily walking around and redefining boring. J. Lo played nice, telling Dexter "As well as you sang it…" before suggesting next time he rally the crowd more so that the adrenaline would go up "and suddenly we're on a magic carpet ride." What?! With Dexter Roberts? This guy? That just ain't gonna happen, y'all can count on it. Harsh Harry to the rescue: "I do not think that was a good performance… To be honest, we could have taken you out and had M.K. come out." Whoa. Low blow. But fair.

Two naps down. I'm very well-rested. Could someone zap me back to life with a glow stick?

Jena Irene, "Clarity" by Zedd featuring Foxes: Electronic is where her heart is? Exclusive Idol scoop: Jena is a robot. All the coolest singers this year are. Harry Connick Jr. has been to the Ultra Music Festival, he'll have you know (twice). He's cool. I was so happy to see some genuine energy onstage that I think I overestimated Jena's vocals on my first viewing. She sounded okay, but really jumpy. "You never looked desperate!" raved Keith Urban, and I think we should pause and marvel/lament in the hilarity of this being a compliment of the highest order on American Idol.

Jennifer reminded Jena to "hold the middle a little bit" instead of scurrying from side to side of the stage. I really think Jena was just focused on touching as many outstretched audience hands as possible. You gotta touch hands! It's the one surefire way to connect with the crowd. That's what I think these kids are getting drilled into their heads. Touch some hands, and expose your spray-tanned tummy. Look comfortable, despite your sparkly patchwork jeans. That's the ticket.

"Electronic is definitely something that's up and coming," explained Jena following the commercial break. Is this the Twilight Zone or something? Electronic music has been around and thriving for decades. The way they're pushing the Jena = Electronic = The Future = Doc Martens storyline is a bit too much. "I have a clear idea of who you are!" confirmed Harry.

NEXT PAGE: Oh, wee-ooh, he looks just like Buddy Holly

Latest Videos in TV

Advertisement

From Our Partners