"I would say the boys are in the bottom three and I think Lazaro's going home," pronounced Jimmy Iovine during his special Rip On Everyone segment at the top of the results show. That's what should have happened. Tonight we saw girl after girl flutter over to Ryan Seacrest, beacon of safety, 'til it was only Burnell Taylor, Lazaro Arbos, and Devin Velez left to shudder in shame at all the crimes they'd committed. (Chiefly: not being female.)
But it was Devin, not Lazaro, who got the unceremonious boot. The judges barely pretended to discuss his fate during his song-for-survival, the aptly titled "It's Impossible," which he performed partly in Spanish. Mariah spent most of the song blotting away the tracks of her tears, so perhaps that was a consolation to the 18-year-old from Chicago. Overall, though, it was a very undramatic elimination for what I'd hoped would be a much more dramatic contestant. Devin has an undeniably beautiful voice, but at the end of the day, he was pretty boring.
"Honestly, Ryan, for us, unfortunately, it is not unanimous." Oh but what about the other judges, Randy? What about the crowd? ("Save! Save! Save!" --a newly rapturous Mariah kept revving them up with glee)
Burnell got the "safe" notice before Lazaro, but that doesn't mean he escaped the official bottom two.
The highlight of the show beyond everyone's tears? Idol's own Keith Urban got up to perform "Long Hot Summer" as a preview of his upcoming tour. He's just a guy and his guitahhhh -- his favorite motif and Keith's prescription for many of the contestants. He got me groovin' in my seat (I was trying to imitate Keith's own antics, obviously).
Did I notice there were less screaming girls in the pit than on a usual performance night? It was just, like, one string of screamers! Keith and his delectable tattoos deserve much more. I'm not really sure why he chose to wear such a high-necked t-shirt to cover the chest serpent; perhaps that was the problem. At least Mariah Carey held up a "#1 Keith Fan" sign, written on crappy looseleaf, to make up for the lack of front-row mayhem.
NEXT: Katharine McPhee wears a Bad Girl costume