American Horror Story recap: Kill Her Once, Kill Her Good, Kill Her Dead

Queenie considers switching teams, while Madison offers Zoe an unexpected invitation
Ep. 07 | Aired Nov 20, 2013

JAZZ ON, JAZZ OFF Things got a bit awkward when the Axeman revealed he had been watching Fiona for her entire life. "You totally Eric Bana'd me," said Fiona angrily. "Fiona Goode don't get Eric Bana'd by no one, you hear me, no one."

Michele K. Short/FX

You have a tongue, right? Sure you do. You use it to talk, and lick things, and to do Miley Cyrus imitations. But have you ever thought about your tongue before? Like, really thought about what your tongue would look like if -- say, just theoretically -- it was outside of your mouth and then crawled back in? Well, the writers of American Horror Story are way ahead of you. Spalding awoke from his slumber, tied to his bed and rocking an incredible yellow bathrobe. And he could talk. Zoe discovered his enchanted tongue inside the Box O' Stuff hidden inside of her room. Myrtle Snow had saved it, all those years ago. Zoe put her own enchantment on the tongue, leading to a scene where she put the tongue back into Spalding's mouth. It was so gross, and it gave me an idea for a horror movie where the tongue of an executed serial killer goes on a murdering spree in a small town. (Working titles: The Crawling Tongue, The Taste of Murder, and/or Tongue Twisted: Suck My Lick.)

Seven episodes in, we finally got the pleasure of a full-fledged non-flashback Denis O'Hare Speaking Scene. He had to respond truthfully to all of Zoe's questions. He told her that Fiona killed Madison, and he told her that his family had served the Salem Coven for 10 generations, and he told her that he had devoted his entire life to the Coven's well-being. Clearly, Zoe is not a fan of outrageous Southern accents, since she stabbed poor Spalding in the heart. Now place your bets on who will resurrect Spalding. The clear choice is Fiona. Or maybe it'll be Misty. Maybe Misty and Spalding will fall in love. Who knows? There are six episodes left, people, which is the narrative equivalent of 10 seasons of Boardwalk Empire.

Downstairs, Queenie asked Delphine a question: What was the worst thing she ever did? Delphine regaled her with a horrifying tale from her days as New Orleans' reigning psychoristocrat. A slave named Sally gave birth to a baby with a complexion as light as cream. Her husband was mysteriously ecstatic about the news. He always wanted a boy; why not name him Pierre? The Madame asked Sally to take on a new role in the house as a handmaiden. Delphine showed off her preferred beauty product: Blood. "This came from a boy. Newly-born. Youth begets youth." And she explained to Sally that she really didn't need to bother coming up with a name.

It was a terrifying scene -- even more terrifying since Kathy Bates was delivering the lines in her best peppy-terrifying voice. (Delphine has been a relatively passive character this season, but I fully anticipate that in the closing episodes we'll see her go Full Annie Wilkes.) It got worse, too: Sally killed herself the next morning, and was buried with her baby. In the present, Delphine attempted to plea for something like forgiveness. It's a testament to the peculiar wonder of American Horror Story (and the greatness of Her Batesness) that you actually somehow took her seriously. She said it was a different world and she said she was learning; she called Queenie a true friend. It felt a little bit like the whole horrifying racist past of America was incarnated in human form, extending a hand to Queenie and begging forgiveness.

Speaking of not having a good segue: How 'bout that threesome? The promotional material for Coven had teased the possibility of a three-way love scene, but I had no idea what to expect when Madison waltzed in on Zoe's shower reverie and started talking about what to do about FrankenBoy. Madison semi-apologized for shtupping Kyle. Zoe demurred, noting that -- after all -- she could never have a relationship with the reanimated fratboy, what with her man-killing lady parts. But Madison insisted that Kyle's time on the far side of existence had left him immune to that particular malady.

So would Madison step aside? No way. But that didn't mean Kyle was off-limits for Zoe. Far from it. She guided Zoe into the bedroom, where FrankenKyle sat on the bed, looking as happy as he's ever been. And Zoe joined them. There's a bit of meta-transgression in this subplot -- Emma Roberts and Evan Peters are actually dating in real life; Peters and Taissa Farmiga were the foundational American Horror Story star-crossed love story, the AHSverse's version of Romeo and Juliet. Who the hell knows where it's going, although it's now entirely possible that the season finale of Coven will just be an hour-long orgy scene featuring the entire cast plus guest stars Cheyenne Jackson and Carmen Electra, while in the background the minotaur plays the saxophone solo from "Edge of Glory" on an endless loop.

Meanwhile, Queenie took Delphine out for another field trip. She claimed that the trip was to give the Madame a new hairstyle. Delphine seemed positively ecstatic about the wonders of the hair salon. She was less ecstatic to meet the owner. Marie Laveau was very, very happy to see her. They caged her up, and took a few pints of blood: Queenie, her friend, made the first cut.

So far, Coven hasn't explored the world of Voodoo very much. Marie has been a distant figure this season, antagonizing from the sidelines while promising a war to come. The mesmerizing final shot of the episode implied that was a purposeful decision by the AHS creators. We saw Marie applying her enemy's blood to her face. You'll recall that we met Delphine doing the very same beauty ritual. The sequence was thus rife with moral complexity: In taking revenge on her nemesis, Marie has also become her nemesis.

Or maybe there was even more going on in that scene. We don't really know how, exactly, Marie has lived so long -- the explanation has just been that, basically, she's super-powerful. Could it be that she has stayed immortal using the same methods that Delphine tried to use almost two centuries ago -- that she lives off of the blood of others? Fiona's uber-plan is to kill off the young witches and use their power to stay young -- to essentially take the place of an entire younger generation. Is that how Marie survives, also? Or was the blood makeup just a particularly colorful act of vengeance? "Beautiful," she said, staring straight at the camera, projecting an air of not-to-be-effed-with pride.

It was a relatively quiet episode, focusing in on a few key characters, with no sign of Myrtle, Misty, Nan, or Neighbor Boy. But let's be honest: I could watch Danny Huston and Jessica Lange read the phone book to each other. (Sexily, natch.) By the end of the episode, they were back together. Where do you think that particular crazy love affair will end up? Sad to see Queenie turn her back on her Salem sorority? Also, let's all start taking bets on what's going to happen next season. Ryan Murphy told EW's Tim Stack that the next AHS iteration is "not contemporary," and that it will either shoot in New Orleans or Santa Fe. Working theory: It'll be set during a post-apocalyptic werewolf-cyborg war, with Jessica Lange essaying the part of Robo-Hillary Clinton and Evan Peter's Butt essaying the role of Naked Werewolf Butt.

Follow Darren on Twitter: @DarrenFranich

Latest Videos in TV

Advertisement

From Our Partners