American Horror Story recap: Kill Her Once, Kill Her Good, Kill Her Dead

Queenie considers switching teams, while Madison offers Zoe an unexpected invitation
Ep. 07 | Aired Nov 20, 2013

JAZZ ON, JAZZ OFF Things got a bit awkward when the Axeman revealed he had been watching Fiona for her entire life. "You totally Eric Bana'd me," said Fiona angrily. "Fiona Goode don't get Eric Bana'd by no one, you hear me, no one."

Michele K. Short/FX

It's been almost a century since James Joyce published "The Dead," the lengthy tale which closes his anthology Dubliners. "The Dead" is generally considered one of the best short stories ever. It is filled with humor and tragedy, raw humanity and casual epiphany, the cruel weight of history and the light comedy of human interaction.

Alas, in what we can only assume was a serious oversight brought about by a looming deadline, Joyce forgot to feature a scene where a resurrected drug-addict celebrity has sex with a reanimated boy sewn together from his sundry fratboy body parts. Nor, for that matter, did the great Irish author ever even consider putting two such personages in bed with a third participant, a witch with the incredible power of vagina aneurysmica. Fortunately for history, Coven rectified Joyce's lapse this week, with an episode titled "The Dead" that featured a Frankenstein-Celebutante-Witch threesome. And said threesome was far from the weirdest event in the episode, which also saw the death of yet another lead character. At this point, easy money says that the finale of Coven will just be one long scene where everyone kills each other and resurrects each other, while in the background the minotaur plays the saxophone solo from "Baker Street" on an endless loop.

The episode began by taking a close look at the long-term physical and psychological effects of not-quite-deadness on the characters. Kyle flashed back to a fun day with his fratboy pals, who were getting tattoos, including a Chinese character that the artist swore read "Beginning and End."

Kyle didn't want a tattoo. Evan Peters gives great drunk talk, but the soused fratboy made it clear that he had big dreams. He wanted to fix the levies. He wanted to fix city hall. He wanted to be an engineer. He wanted to make things in this country, build things, not just stick his hand in another guy's pocket. Instead, he wound up with another man's tattoo, not to mention the arm that tattoo is attached to. Worse, that tattoo was a shamrock, and Kyle doesn't like Guinness or the Red Sox or The Boondock Saints. Zoe came to Kyle with a gun, expecting to kill him; but Kyle grabbed the gun and almost killed himself.

Madison's not reacting much better to her second life. She's prone to soliloquizing narration now. "I'm a millennial," she said, a member of the generation "born between the birth of AIDS and 9/11." Like all young people in post-industrial history, millennials are known for entitlement and narcissism and having terrible taste in music. But Madison made it clear that her narcissism has a deeper truth: She was numb to the world. Before she died, she did everything she could to feel something. And now she literally can't feel anything. She burnt a scar into her hand: Nothing. She ate the equivalent of seven dinners: Nothing. She looked at pictures of Batkid: Nothing.

The girls had been vaguely trying to keep Madison's return a secret, but her nocturnal candelabratic perambulations attracted the notice of Delia. (Given that there are maybe like five people who actually live at Miss Robichaux's, nobody ever seems to run into each other except when they have to.) Delia was troubled. She received a phone call from her cheating hubby. Unbeknownst to her, said hubby was shouldering an impressive-looking sniper rifle. (Although Hank the Witch-Hunter didn't reappear in the episode, we should start getting excited. Sniper rifles are one of those things that are always exciting, like action scenes on trains or Christopher Walken reading cue cards.) When Delia grabbed Madison, she clearly saw the young girl's death...and the face of Fiona, slicing Madison's neck wide open.

Speaking of Fiona! The reigning Supreme was enjoying an evening with her new beau, Danny "The Axeman" Huston. The Axeman brought her back to his apartment -- the previous owner of the apartment was decomposing slowly in the bath -- and began the sweet dance of seduction. Bourbon. A jazz record. Faulkner quotes. "The reason for livin' is to get ready to stay dead for a long time," he said, a line from Faulkner's As I Lay Dying. (ASIDE: As we all know, Faulkner published Dying in 1930, 11 years after the Axeman was killed by Meryl Streep's Daughter and the Stabbin' Suffragettes. Maybe the Axeman passed the time by exploring Miss Robichaux's library. To hell with logic, now I'm just dreaming of an adaptation of As I Lay Dying directed by Ryan Murphy, ideally with a closing dance number where reanimated corpses in the Yoknapatawpha County cemetery sing a dance-pop version of "Don't Fear the Reaper" mashed with Ke$ha's "Die Young." END OF ASIDE.)

Fiona loved the attention. But sadness loomed. She keeps on grabbing errant strands of hair off her head: the cruel comforts of chemotherapy. "This was a mistake," she said. "I've had three husbands. I've destroyed any decent relationship I've ever had. I'm a wretched human being, a miserable mean goddamn bitch." Coming from the mouth of Jessica Lange, it sounded like Shakespeare writing a Dixie Chicks song. The Axeman threw out some double entendres about playing with his instrument, and they had an explosive love scene crosscut with a jazz number. Seriously guys, this show has just become Treme now.

NEXT: Friends forever, we'll be together


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