'The Amazing Race' recap: Season of the Bitch

With Margie and Luke, Tammy and Victor, and Kisha and Jen all finishing the Detour at the same time, it was a footrace to the mat. Waiting there was Phil with an older couple eating their lunch. I wondered whether they were Tammy and Victor's parents, ready to throw their soup into their children's faces if they didn't get first place. ''Excuse us, Phil,'' they would say when their children arrived. ''We will handle this. Tammy and Victor, you are team number shame!''

Instead, they were strangers left to eat awkwardly as a brouhaha broke out on the mat. Phil nudged the still bickering Jen/Kisha and Luke/Margie for details of the tension, and Luke blew up. As he fervently signed, Margie—who up until now was the calming influence—blew up, accusing Kisha and Jen at smirking at her son. ''When he was signing angrily, they started laughing, and that is just rude,'' she yelled. ''He's lived with this his whole life, and he doesn’t need it from people like you.'' As Kisha tried to explain that she wasn't smiling at Luke, she was smiling with him, Phil kept trying to make peace between the two sides, saying things like, ''Do you think it might have been a misunderstanding?'' I get the sense that Phil does not like discord on his mat, it's bad juju. I hear he took the mat to three exorcists and four holy men to try to purge the nasty Jonathan/Victoria vibes after season 6. (Incidentally, make sure to keep an eye out for his blog: He's been touting this ''mat meltdown'' all season so he'll surely have some good insight on it.)

Ultimately, the final standings were Kisha and Jen in first, Tammy and Victor in second, and Margie and Luke in third. The cheerleaders finished in fourth, and then, finally, came the stunt brothers. (It's unclear just how far back they were, although instead of the sun having gone down—the usual Race signifier of a really late team—, their tardiness was measured by the fact that the noshing couple on the mat had had their dishes cleared away and were now sipping tea. Apparently finishing lunch is the new bushy white beard of time-passing signifiers.

The producers have grown to love mocking the brothers, making sure to highlight every embarrassing moment they create. Before the brothers arrived at the mat, the producers made time for one last jab: When the duo was doing the dance challenge, they were shown in slow motion, looking foolish as they clutched and dipped each other. I'm surprised the producers didn't give them a ten-hour penalty for bad dancing. ''Yeah, we know you're out of the game anyway, but we want you to sit here for ten hours and think about what you've done wrong. Suckers!''

So goodbye to Mark and Michael. Okay, enough about them: let's get back to the fight., Do you think Luke was being a bitch? Or was Jen too physical? Or didn't it make a damn bit of difference? And with only four teams left, who are you rooting for now? I know, I know: You haven't had a rooting interest since Mel and Mike left. But pick a side anyway, I demand it! And when you pick one, you better write about it in English. Otherwise it'll be so frustrating!

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