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GELLIN' Danny struggles to measure a small section of our flat Earth under the contemptuous gaze of Magellan.
Over at Tiles, Nicky and Kim, the first to finish piecing together a puzzle of fragile decorative pieces, hilariously do not see the sneaky white-shirted clue-master even though he was standing RIGHT NEXT TO THEM in a huge open room. Later, once Leo, Jamal, Ally and Ashley have switched tasks, the guys try goading Marie and Tim, who show up last, into using their Express Pass, lying that the puzzle has already taken them two hours and took Ally and Ashley three hours before that. They could've just stopped at the two-hour lie; that'd have been much more believable. I'm a tiny bit surprised Marie and Tim don't Express themselves here. Shouldn't they suspect they're pretty close to last place? I guess they assume they'll make up for lost time during the Roadblock.
But forget about strategy -- Pinky is too busy destructively knocking tiles off the easel thing and coming up with new ways to belittle her punching bag. "I'm trying to not make you look like a bitch," she explained. "I want the people at home to think I don't think you're that terrible of a partner." Ugh, gross. Maybe she should have just let things play out, as Tim nailed the upcoming Roadblock in one shot. "I was born in this era," he muttered to King Arthur's sunburned court. Perhaps this helps explain his fondness for enduring the medieval torture involved in associating with Marie.
To spice things up a bit, the "landing shot" at the Lisbon Airport creates the illusion that all the planes are about to crash into a series of yellow structures. It's a wild and crazy episode!
ROADBLOCK: Who has the hands for slings and arrows? No one seems to have any devastating trouble with this archery challenge -- dress up as a knight, hunker down on a giant ballista, and shoot a shield 150 feet away. Jason gets it on the first try. Danny does this Roadblock because he's Native American. (Whatever works!) And Ally's grandpa was born in Portugal ("My race wife is Portuguese," Leo helpfully clarified) and had taught her archery at a young age. If you're not hitting the target, then you need to adjust something, Ally informs us. Is anyone still awake?
The teams race to the pit stop at Castelo dos Mouros, a hilltop medieval castle. "I will kill myself if we're last," announces Marie. I better cut it out with this paragraph before I say something garish!
Nicole and Travis redeem themselves from Leg 1, in which they failed to read the rule, took a taxi instead of traveling on foot, and ceded first place to Tim and Marie. The married ER docs win a trip for two to Costa Rica which includes golfing, a sunset sail, and a couples massage potentially administered by the Travelocity gnome. Perhaps the gnome is in their thoughts as Nicole and Travis share a gratuitously slow-motion kiss on the mat.
2nd place: Jason and Amy
3rd place: Nicky and Kim
4th place: Tim and Danny
5th place: Brandon and Adam
6th place: Leo and Jamal
7th place: Ally and Ashley
8th place: Pink Hair and her Punching Bag (nice "last team to arrive" fakeout from Phil, though!)
Then a costumed local beside Phil had to go and ruin everything. "Can she trade him for me?" he asked in front of Pink Hair and her Punching Bag -- meaning can he switch places with P.B.? Maybe he meant that, as an armored knight, he'd be better equipped to field incoming blows from Pinky. But I'm pretty sure he just liked her hair and…tremendous spirit.
NEXT WEEK: The teams plunge into the Arctic, and Nicole makes a power play for the Express Pass. Will emergency medicine be involved? Will "Ice-ganimals" stick as a nickname for the married quartet? Are you upset about Chester and Ephraim?