The Amazing Race recap: Portugal. The Leg

The teams travel from Santiago to Lisbon; A surly Magellan impersonator sneers in contempt
Ep. 03 | Aired Oct 13, 2013

GELLIN' Danny struggles to measure a small section of our flat Earth under the contemptuous gaze of Magellan.

CBS

Awww. What a tragic and disappointing outcome for episode 3. It's one thing when a team flops and flails all over a new place and earns the dreaded "last time to arrive" from Phil, but quite another when all the racers can do is sit around and wait the whole episode until Phil finally comes trotting into the airport to inform them of their doom (and that they're apparently not allowed to step outside). NFL buddies Chester Pitts and Ephraim Salaam didn't even get to participate in the third leg. I was begging Phil to announce a non-elimination leg to save two of the friendliest racers of the season. But Phil didn't listen.

The footballers, who started first (!!!), were thwarted by a unique (read: "cursed") flight plan from Santiago, Chile to Lisbon, Portugal with two terrible connections instead of one. They should have had Nicole and Travis' spots on the first flight into Lisbon at 7 a.m., but a kindly, very apologetic booking agent named Natalia had entered the wrong date into her computer. Natalia felt so guilty that she not only arranged the ill-fated two-connection goose chase for Chester and Ephraim, but helped out another team -- Brandon and Adam, who along with Danny and Tim would arrive in Lisbon at 10 a.m.

Threatening gong sound as Pink Hair skulks around the Santiago Airport! Marie keeps reminding teams to give her any useful information, and she'll give them the Express Pass. She's conveniently omitting the next announcement in the sequence, which is "I will not actually give you the Express Pass." Kudos to Danny for withholding flight information from Marie, even though he later feels guilty about it. Danny and Tim also make the wise choice to turn down an offer of sketchy-seeming camaraderie from Leo and Jamal, who want the Oklahoma boys to blindly follow them along with their "race wives" Ally and Ashley on a flight that would arrive at 11. Leo and Jamal's icky vibes irk Danny so much that he vows in the Santiago airport that he and Tim will U-Turn the "Afghanimals" if given the chance.

The boldest flight-plan move, though, comes from Nicky and Kim, who sneak away from the others In the Sao Paulo airport to secure the first spot on the standby list for Nicole and Travis' earlier flight to Lisbon. All they had to do was find a human being and interact with that human instead of gaping helplessly at the departure screens. (Not a ton of action this episode. I can't even pretend that it was at all exciting.) This bold move from Nicky and Kim prompts El Pink Hair Diablo Marie to declare, "The bunnies are dead to me." Where are these bunnies she's hallucinating? I only see two strong, independent women with their own personalities, who just whupped Pinky's ass! Hug hug hug hug hug. Go Nicky and Kim.

NEXT: Magellan spits on your invocation of the Panama Canal

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