Image credit: CBS
BEGGING FOR IT Nicky and Kim out-beard the Beards.
The Afghanimals and their "race wives" Ally and Ashley, plus Tim and Marie get lost somewhere near the entrance to Solidarity Square. No one speaks English, as they are in solidarity against aggressively accusatory ladies with pink hair. And because it's POLAND. "Ona jest psycho bestia waż," the Polish might be muttering to each other. (In my head, these Poles were also Wayne's World fans. Google Translate is awesome.)
"These are the three dumbest teams," says one of the 'mals. "This is just wild," sputters Tim. "I don't…. d-d-d-… duh!" They're clearly doomed. Suddenly another driver swoops in with the info and they're on their way.
Meanwhile, Jason and Amy's at first reluctantly and then deliciously catty driver refuses to share information about the Golden Gate with Brandon and Adam over the phone -- the first of many breaks the Beards just can't catch. Jason and Amy remain very committed to helping Nicole and Travis, however. That alliance seems destined to stick until the end.
Detour: Pose or Polka? Most teams choose to dance a choreographed routine in full costume -- a task which humiliates Oklahoma boy Danny almost to his breaking point because as the shorter man in the partnership (sadly not a "plus-size model" like his partner Tim), Danny has to -- gasp! -- dress up as the woman. "That's wrong, dude," says Danny. Ever the reality TV optimist, I took this less as aggressive homophobia and more as the simple fact that he's just really uncomfortable and frustrated. It doesn't help that the teams must keep their costumes on for the rest of the leg…
Anyway, Tim and Danny are in trouble. Tim can't dance or lead. Danny's picking up the steps, but probably couldn't pick up Tim; plus they already committed to their gender roles so they're stuck in them. (This isn't 'nam, there are rules.) But it's Danny's frustration and not Tim's ineptitude that ultimately stalls them the most, it seems. "Don't fight with each other," urges a beautiful Polish girl with arm tattoos (or "ahhhhhhm," if you're Jason). They eventually get it (and Arm Tats gets buried in a bear hug from Tim, so cute!) and everyone remains alive. Danny still has to wear that dress, so he's only a shell of a man, enveloped in a skirt. But they move on.
Meanwhile, Jason and Amy and Nicole and Travis waltz through this challenge easily. The latter pair took two tries -- Nicole is especially awful at dancing, but I found her over-the-top toothy performance face, to make up for that, rather endearing.
NEXT: Ya gotta be hot, ya gotta be vocal, ya gotta be desperate...