The Celebrity Apprentice season premiere recap: That's a Spicy Meatball!

In a task geared to make the contestants say the word "balls" as often as possible, Trace Adkins rides a dangerous strategy to victory
Ep. 01 | Aired Mar 3, 2013

THIS PHOTO IS BEGGING FOR A DIRTY CAPTION But I don't take to begging (Hear that, Brande!)

Douglas Gorenstein/NBC

Brande ended up selecting Bret and La Toya. But while Bret was about to have a very unhappy ending to his tenure on the show, Brande may or may not have given him a happy ending under the Boardroom table, slipping her right hand under the table and onto Bret. Apparently she must have still been “jonesing for this.”  “This is awesome,” the rock star replied. “This is blurring my vision a little.”

In truth, Trump had it out for Bret all along. Just minutes into the episode, he was already telling Michaels that he made a “terrible mistake” by coming back as a winner, and just before firing him Trump admitted that, “Psychologically, it’s awfully hard for me to pick you again.” My favorite part of that admission about being so biased is that it came just moments after Brande’s comment that she did not bring Omarosa back to the Boardroom because she was worried Trump wouldn’t fire her. And how did Trump respond to said accusation? “To be honest, I have to go by credibility, because without credibility this show wouldn’t have been the tremendous success it’s been.” See, I would argue the exact opposite. It is because this show has ZERO credibility when it comes to who stays and who goes that it has become one of the most inexplicably enjoyable programs in the history of television. Arguing about the merits of who is fired and who isn’t is pointless because there is no merit to the entire thing! Which is precisely the warped genius that only us fans can truly appreciate.

So while I am truly sorry to see Bret go because he is both entertaining and likable, his early nonsensical ouster makes absolutely perfect sense within the confines of this game and show. I mean of course Dennis Rodman and Gary Busey would last longer than him! Why wouldn’t they?

But while I am sad that Bret is no longer with us, I am thrilled that you are for another season of recapping the most incredible entity ever to grace our TV screens. And the fun has only begun because now it is your turn. Who are you loving and loathing so far? Are you tired of Omarosa’s act? Perplexed as to why Donald Trump seems to think La Toya Jackson walks on water? Shocked that I did not mention Amanda the receptionist (and her multiple pairs of scissors!) even once? Hit the message boards to let us know. And for more Celebrity Apprentice news and views all season long, follow me on Twitter @DaltonRoss. So excited to take this journey again with all of you, and until next week — say it with me now — Cluck, Cluck…Splash!

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