The Celebrity Apprentice recap: I Wanna Be Your Dog

Gary shows off his bark, but will it make the LG executive’s tail wag?
Ep. 09 | Aired Apr 28, 2013

DOES NOT COMPUTE Gary's mechanical dog-themed ad was like stepping in a pile of…well, you know.

NBC

2. LG is the Most Fantastic Company in the History of Companies
We all know that Celebrity Apprentice is basically a two-hour infomercial for whatever company happened to pony up the dough that week to have their merchandise shoved down our throats ad nauseam. But even for this show the product pimping was out of control this week. The most egregious moments occurred when the nerds…I mean, tech guys from LG visited both teams to show them — and, even more importantly for the company, us — how amazing and amazingly easy their stuff is to use.

Because apparently that was deemed too subtle, we then were treated to a barrage of celebrity contestants giving their personal endorsements as well. “Really, it blows your mind in so many ways, that TV,” said Lisa Rinna. “It has everything under the sun. It can practically f---you.” Wait, WHAT?!? The TV is having sexual intercourse with Lisa Rinna? How exactly does that work? I’m sorry to sound so ignorant but I think I may need a little birds and the bees conversation here because I’m not sure how that is physically possible. Is the remote control somehow involved? Are there some sort of unsavory things you are required to do with the cord to make this work? And does Harry Hamlin know about all of this?

But Lisa Rinna wasn’t the only one orgasmic over the electronics. Lil Jon spent half of the episode asking for free swag. “LG, can you please hook a brother up with a TV?” he begged. “I want one of these phones. I want all this stuff.” I have long said that the best way for reality contestants on shows like Survivor and Big Brother to ensure themselves of more camera time is to wax effusive about any of the product placement. Evidently, these celebrities have already mastered the art.

3. Gary Busey’s School for Actors
One person who was not so impressed with the LG technology was Gary Busey, who actually walked away while the tech guy was explaining the refrigerator. Well, better that than pushing the dude like he was an intrusive cameraman. Or hissing at him like a cat coming out the closet on Halloween.

But Gary showed much more interest in the fellow actors that he hired to be in his ad. In his infinite wisdom, Mr. Busey happened to choose two women of roughly the same age to play his wife and daughter. It was, as Penn Jillette noted, “Some sort of weird Mormon sister wife thing, which was creepy.” Not to a mechanical dog, it isn’t!

Busey then gave the actors a pep talk about how the spirit chose them for the role. “I’ve been out of my body twice,” he informed them. “And I stopped breathing for eight minutes.” This was followed by an impersonation of a gravelly sounding medicine man who may or may not have had robot parts. And what sort of advice or direction did he give his fellow thespians? “If you have to fart, fart quick but keep your energy up.” You won’t learn that at Juilliard!

4. What happens in Vegas…Belongs in Donald Trump’s Pockets!
It was pretty clear from the moment the Boardroom began that it was finally Gary Busey’s time to be fired. What was unclear was why a billionaire like Donald Trump feels the need to go rip-off Las Vegas casinos for a little extra cash. Once again continuing his fascination with Marilu Henner’s memory skills, Trump asked the Taxi actress if he could take her to Vegas so she could be a card counter for him. “And I’m serious about this!” he bellowed. “Have you ever thought about being a card counter?”

NEXT: Trump and Busey debate the word “even”

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