'The Celebrity Apprentice' recap: Tickling Your Funny Bone

8. Not a Trace of Trace
So once it was firmly established that Dee Snider had nothing, in fact, to be congratulated on, as his team had actually lost, Dee decided to bring back Baldwin and Busey to the Boardroom. Of course, the person who actually did the least on the task — which is to say, nothing — was Trace Adkins, because he wasn’t even there. But due to the section 12.7b of the Celebrity Apprentice rulebook, which clearly states that, “There are no rules on Celebrity Apprentice,” Trace’s name did not even come up once for being fired in absentia. I’ve said it before and will say it again: The best way to win Celebrity Apprentice is agree to be on the show and then just tell Trump you have prior commitments every week and can’t help out on any of the tasks. He won’t fire you! Unless your name is Kardashian, in which case you have other problems.

Anyhoo, the end result was anti-climactic because Dee took all the blame, and didn’t even give the big boss man an opportunity to fire anyone else. Still, all Celebrity Apprentice firings are entertaining if for no other reason than the massive unwarranted praise Trump always showers on people as he’s telling them to get the hell out. Reading transcripts of Trump’s firings reads like the journal of a schizophrenic who can’t decide if he wants to hit or kiss someone. Witness this week’s final words: “I don’t want to fire you. You’re a solid guy. A great guy. Much different than I would have thought. Dee, you’re fired! Get out! Thank you. And you’ve been terrific, Dee. Really terrific. But Dee, you’re right, I had no choice. Great job.”

He actually did a pretty horrible job on this task, but whatever. I do give Dee points for at least bothering to make some small talk with Adrian the elevator operator, who I have to imagine gets pretty damn lonely waiting in there all night by his lonesome. Granted, Dee was telling Adrian that he wasn’t happy to see him, which is borderline rude, but small talk is small talk. I think Adrian appreciated it. Now if only he could get the courage up to cross those 10 feet of carpet and ask Amanda the receptionist out on a date. C’mon, Adrian, just use some good old fashioned elevator humor. Something like “Hey, Amanda, do you mind if I push a few of your buttons?” She’d love that.

And I would love nothing more than for you to sound off on your favorite moments in the message boards below. For more reality ramblings, you can follow me on Twitter @DaltonRoss. It has been my pleasure guiding you through another wild and wacky week of All-Star Celebrity Apprentice, and until next week: Cluck, Cluck…Splash!

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