The Celebrity Apprentice recap: Checkmate

Marilu throws the craziest party ever…if your last name happens to be Kasparov or Karpov
Ep. 10 | Aired May 5, 2013

NOT GETTING THE POINT Guest advisor John Rich did not seem sold on Marilu's party suite.

Douglas Gorenstein/NBC

Trying to get as close to the operation she plans to rip-off as possible, Marilu agreed to be Project Manager for Power while Lisa Rinna took on P.M. duties for Plan B. But there was one more big decision to make: Which of the five Foxwoods characters (based on cards) would they choose to build their theme around? Marilu and Lisa went to negotiate their card assignments, but their negotiating session instead turned into a game of  “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” The girl-on-girl action basically amounted to them both revealing their picks on three, but it turned out there was no conflict as Power selected the King while Plan B took the Joker, Smoker, and Midnight Toker. The curious decision to allow professional jokester Penn Jillette to have the Joker theme would come back to haunt Marilu.

2. The Return of the Mechanical Dog
Not that performance actually matters on this show, but if it did, you would have to say that Penn Jillette has been by far the most consistent player this season. He was at it again this week, locking up celebrity chef David Burke. (At least he claimed it was David Burke. It looked more like Newman from Seinfeld if you ask me.) He also found a Native American flautist to provide some ambient music and add to the Foxwoods theme. And then he had one more other A-list guest to offer. “You know what I got for you?” he said to Lisa. “Mechanical Dog!”

Hold on a second! Does that mean someone took away Gary Busey’s LG smartphone? Because according to the legend of the mechanical dog, a human can only transform into the robot canine when separated from the incredible hand-held technology. Can someone go check on Gary Busey to make sure he’s okay? (“Okay” being a relative term, of course.) Uh oh, it appears the mechanical dog virus is spreading because now Trace Adkins is barking from across the arena! Just another thing for him to be grumpy about, I suppose.

3. Everyone is Getting Really, Really Horny
I guess spending a month under the curiously orange-colored thumb of Donald Trump can make anyone a little restless. And, it seems, horny. (Just imagine if Bret Michaels were still competing. He would be Tour Bus Thrusting all over the place!) All the contestants seemed to be extra frisky this week. It started with this back and forth between Trace Adkins and Lil Jon on a performer Trace was trying to secure for the party:

Trace: “I got a possible on Dolly Parton. You ever heard of her?”

Lil Jon: “Yeah, I know about her t--- very well. Hers are real too, right?

Trace: “I swear, man.”

Lil Jon: “Damn!”

Trace: “Is D as big as it goes? I know what they are — they’re an M. [Makes a giant M gesture across chest.] I’ll probably have to sleep with her, but I’ll take one for the team. I’m just saying I’m that kind of player.”

Sleep with her? Where?!? The chess table is seemingly taking up half the space in the suite, and that throne certainly doesn’t look very comfortable, especially when you consider that there is a whole lot of Dolly to deal with in there, if you know what I’m talking about. (Her breasts. I’m talking about her enormous breasts.)

NEXT: Lisa agrees to put her lips in the line of fire

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